Discrimination

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

     As I was eating lunch today, just suddenly a thought popped out! Just yesterday I was talking to my girlfriends about how this hamba Allah that likes to look down on others and it linked to something that I noticed happening to some. In fact, it happened to me too once before!

 

 

DISCRIMINATION

 

 

 

 

Sometimes, I dont understand why we judge on others. Yes, perceptions are important but what about those issues that we judge that just dont make sense. For instance, the way the person dresses padahal underneath those clothes, the person owns the biggest heart ever! I have to say, some girls yang has worn the tudung probably sejak azali lagi, have this kind of mentality. Not all, but some. Get it, get it right please. They see others that dont wear tudung, that does not cover their aurats and they start pulling that look towards the person. Pandang sebelah mata je.

 

Question is, who in the world are YOU to judge? I remember there was this one incident that happened to a friend of mine,before she actually hijrah-ed. She went to her boyfriend's house with her sister's friend which was this guy cause she left something in her boyfriend's car. So, when she rang the door bell and the boyfriend's sister came out to approach them outside and the sister is of course, berhijab lah. She came out from the house and my friend reached out to salam but the boyfriend's sister actually pandang sebelah mata je. In fact, she dint pay much attention to her but talked to her sister's friend instead. My friend became uncomfortable and felt uneasy too, wondering why. What did she do wrong? Padahal she came to the house dengan cara yang baik but why did her boyfriend's sister made her feel invisible? Thus, it wasnt that she was wearing something inappropriate. She was wearing something really descent.

 After about a month or so, it was just a few days after she hijrah-ed she bumped into her boyfriend's sister and she was shocked and she actually approached my friend nicely. See the difference? When the boyfriend's sister went home and told the brother(my friend's boyfriend), she admitted at first she kurang berkenan because she wasn't wearing tudung.

 

You see... that's the thing, the mentality that needs to be changed. You dont look at the person like that, You dont just judge a person without giving her a chance to show herself. Belum apa-apa lagi dah kemain lagi assume she's this and that. That is totally&completely 100% wrong! Islam teaches Us to always berbaik sangka too! Not only that, sometimes the girls that looks down on these people who doesnt wear a hijab ni pun, pakai baju lengan pendek tapi pakai tudung, pakai tudung pun tak tutup dada, pakai seluar ketat and U wanna be looking at those girls like that? To me, why judge people when we ourselves pun haven't really corrected ourselves properly. We should be looking in the mirror and muhasabah diri and try to figure out how to be better and improve ourselves. There should always be an urge to want to be better and not think that we're all that and Im done here, I dah tutup aurat,I solat tak tinggal, I berpuasa, I mengaji, I know if I die, I'll be going to heaven. My name is already in the list in Firdaus. Pffffttttt, Hell No. Never be riak! Rasulullah s.a.w pun hari-hari solat sunat taubat, minta ampun dengan Allah s.w.t. And I am talking about Rasulullah here, manusia paling Allah s.w.t sayangkan yang obviously will be in heaven. So, who in the world are you to be all riak? Who are you to look down at these people when Rasulullah s.a.w sendiri pun has never done that! So, think again when U feel like judging others.

I remember about 2 years ago, and of course during that time, I haven't received my special hidayah just yet, I was chosen to represent my school for this PPDa (Program Pencegahan Dadah) program that was under Petronas' campaign. I was the only one who was chosen, so I dint quite have a partner. So, i was a loner there. The program was held at Klang and when I reached there, I was the only girl who wasn't in tudung! All the girls were all in their tudungs except for this chinese girl and she was the only chinese there. But, knowing me I just fit myself in the group. I made myself feel comfortable and approached everybody! The girls there, not even one discriminated me. Not even one, looked at me like I was some alien. Not even one, looked down on me. They treated me like I was one of them! After that program, there was this other one which was the Alumni Program that was held in Port Dickson, and that program was a Kebangsaan program so all the students that represented their school from every state were there! The chinese girl was no longer there of course so imagine, ramai gila orang and I was the only alien girl that did not wear the tudung! I was the only different one but guess what? NOBODY made me feel all awkward and all. They were all so nice to me. In fact, I even made a good friend there, Tiqah from Kelantan. I was pretty much close with the boys though (memang I ni ganas) and Tiqah too! we all became really good friends. So, there you see... This should be an example of how you should be like. So, dont judge an alien! hahaha and maybe berkat of their doa lah, I became who I am today. Who knows? *Alhamdulillah*

 

Anyway, always go back to the core and muhasabah diri sendiri. Check Ur own flaws cause we'll never run away from flaws with or without the hijab on us. If U think U wearing the hijab makes U better the rest then YOU ARE WRONG! To me, wearing the hijab is a symbol, a symbol of respect towards our Religion and of course it is what we have been directed to do by Allah s.w.t and also a reminder that we should have the urge to be better each day. It is like our crown but not a crown that says "Im Perfect and Im better than the rest of you that aren't wearing tudung". Dont be surprise that there are some yang tak berhijab ni lebih baik daripada yang berhijab.

 

My sister, Kak Fa is right when she said.. "Kita ni contoh kebesaran Allah"

The reason why is, we were once so jahil, we were only Islam according to our ICs but we dint act like one but hey! with a blink of an eye, Allah s.w.t actually flipped our hearts like a pancake flipped! Just like that and Alhamdulillah, look at how we are now. Not saying that we are perfect but so much improvements that has been made. Maybe with the help of the ones that loves Us' doa, this happened!We've learned so much along the way and hoping to learn plenty more about Islam. We grew so much in love with our religion. I personally feel its like Im a cup that's awaiting to be filled each and every day.

 

The moral is, If U truly know what Islam is all about then why dont every time U pass by someone yang well, belum lagi berhijab, doa for them. Never should U underestimate the power of doa. Ur power is doa, not U being all judgemental on someone and pulling faces. If Ur doing that, Ur not showing a good example towards Ur own religion. If U berhijab, always remember U're Allah's example and U should be showing everybody else how Great Islam is. Islam wont seem Great if Ur being all judgemental on others. We were never taught that way in the Quran but we were taught otherwise. We were taught to make Dua. Never descriminate nor look down on others.

 

So, stop judging instead, DUA

 

 

XX

Jazakallah Khayrun

&May Allah bless Us all

Wassalam 

Assalamualaikum, December!

December, marks the very last month for 2012! Time flies too quick that its too over-whelming indeed! November was, Alhamdulillah, Really progressive! Hoping for the momentum to not stop and keeps on getting better&better!

December, with Finals around the corner (in hope everything will go on smoothly)! So much to look forward to this December! Hopefully December will give us all good prosperity,good health,a blessed&blissful one!

Happy December, Loves!
Have a GREAT one!
XX
Wassalam

Reminisce

Assalamualaikum w.b.t!

Found some of my old home videos a few days back and made time last night to watch. Gosssshhhhhh, sedih sedih! As much as I enjoy reminiscing, i hate it too! it just brings me to tears (yes, Im a pretty sensitive person) I thought to myself, Ya Allah, cepatnya aku membesar! This was all taken 18 years back. I wish I could re-live those moments and turn back time. Again, only in a perfect world!

sorry for the blur image. This was captured on TV. This was me about 6 months old! Ya Allah, perasan or not this may sound, I dont care but I was just really cute *In my eyes of course* Looking at this picture actually makes me feel like this wasn't me and Im missing her and it feels like she's somewhere out there, lost without me. Im a weirdo, I know but weird or not, I feel exactly that way! I had those big eyes, a big head, big nose!, big ears, and pipi too gebu to be true! I pray to Allah, one day when I have kids, they'd look exactly like me! *Amin*

 

 

Here's another one I captured as I was watching the home videos. Here's Bah singing to me his fav lullaby, the oh so famous 'cikecikebum' song under our rambutan tree that we had in our garden. Looking at the video actually made me miss the old house so much. I was born and raised there and well, here still. Im currently staying in the old place but the renovated version. Before, my house was this Semi-D house with a HUGE garden! I had pine trees planted around our gate that made me feel like christmas all around the year. I had this mini playground too! I had a red slide, a swing set and this white buaian from zaman my sisters and my brother and a jongkang-jongket set too! It was pretty cool. I had a rambutan tree and a mango tree too planted in the garden. Everything in TTDI! I remember when I was about 5,6 years old.. I'd sit down with my sister, KakFa at night and watch the stars. I'd be showing her the stars and say "Itu adik punya!" Okay, i feel all emo already!

 

Its just sad how time moves too quick! I wish I could slow it down and live every moment of it. I'm so glad Bah bought a video recorder a few days after I was born. I'm glad they recorded every progress and every step I made when I was growing up. Too lucky to be watching all this now. Im too lucky too, to be having everyone still with me. All 6 of us. Bah, Momma,KakFa,KakJihan&Abang. Still alive, still here staying under the same roof, still healthy. Yes, all of them can be such a pain in the tuuush at times but still, Im so grateful to have all of them around me plus another 2! The lil ones in the house, my darlings, Harris&Hannan(my niece and my nephew,kak Jihan's kids). Allah s.w.t has definitely blessed us all with their presence and Allah s.w.t has blessed me with my perfect imperfect family whom I love till Jannah.

 

When they cause us so much pain, all we wish for is to walk out on them and leave and just get out but at times we forget, life is too short. We'll never know when we're gonna lose them or when we're gonna go. Friendship&Relationships come and go but Family, forever will be with Us. Sampai ke akhirat. Everybody fights, yes. BUT, never putuskan the silaturrahim. If U do, Jannah will never be Urs. And our parents, it just frightens me to even cross the thought of losing them especially my Momma. I dont think I can even imagine my days without her. I left for Tganu a couple of days pun dah nangis2, missed her too much when I'm not near her. I pray to Allah to keep them from harm and to keep them healthy always. Through thick and thin, I'll always be their anak bongsu and I'll pour all my love for each and one of them. The key is to appreciate always and pour them with love and respect!

 

 

Allah S.W.T ,

 

Rasulullah S.A.W,

 

Momma

Momma

Momma

&

Bah

&

The rest of my LOVED ones <3



Wassalam
X

Deodorant, A MUST have!

Assalamualaikum wbt...


The title explains it all. Yes, indeed! Deodorant is a MUST have!

 

 

I love Rexona! It's always in my handbag. Without a deodorant with me, I feel pretty incomplete! Personally, my armpits easily sweat! (HEY im only human! theres no such thing as control cun cause memang my armpits sweats easily ;p ) We do live in Malaysia where d weather is always sunny and hot! So, what Rexona spray does for me is that the smell lasts pretty long and its great for people like me! So, whenever I feel all masam and sweaty, I just take it out and spray! Its as easy as ABC! 

 

 Why I say deodorant is important? Because... as a person in a situation lets say, Ur in a LRT, its pretty packed and Ur really tired and U know how pack and stuffy it is in there. Imagine that Ur seating and a person comes in and stands in front of U and lifts up his arm to hold on to the railing handle above. Just as he lifts up his arm........ PERRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! pengsan terus! *drop dead*

 

Yes, bukan semua orang wangi all the time in this world. Everybody has their moments in a day when they stink and thats why bringing a deodorant in ur bag is a must. Every time U feel like U stink, take it out and spray it on U. Bukannya mahal pun deodorant tu. Berapa ringgit je lah. Apa salahnya spend a few bucks to make urself smell good and make the people around U comfortable. Rather than when U lift up Ur arms, people in front of U terpaksa buat muka and dalam hati maki hamun U. Kesiankanlah dorang, free2 dapat dosa all because of U who stinks. Seriously, I am a normal human being. Im no angel. When people around me stinks, SubahanAllah... only Allah knows how I feel.

 

On Thursdays, I have Algebra class. Among all 4 of my classes, tak de satu class pun ada masalah bau ketiak yang harum ni EXCEPT Algebra class! Dah lah algebra, my very worst nightmare! For the ones who knows me, memang I hate Maths! Give me an essay, I'll write U one with no complains. Give me numbers, I'll definitely run out on U. Anyway, moving on... I came in class and sat at the 2nd last row with my friend, K. Tiba2.... ada this hamba Allah that came in and as soon as she passed by my row, Ya Allah.... everybody looked at each other and gave that 'EEE busuk' face! I gotta say, my nose is superbly sensitive (the benefits of having a big nose I suppose) I can detect smell easily especially la bau busuk kan. Dah lah my lecturer was explaining on something pretty complicated and I couldn't concentrate dah sebab she was sitting just behind me! 

 

You see how bad smell can affect people? Even in Islam, when u mengeluarkan bau bau yang makes people uncomfortable, dah dikira berdosa! Yes, it is true. Im sure most of U do know and for the ones who doesnt... Tanyalah, Ustaz/Ustazah! Look it up.

 

So, conclusion is... pakailah deodorant ye. It will make a difference! So make Urself smell good and Fresh always! scratch the good, make Urself smell GREAT!

 

 

Wassalam

X

PS: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASSSSEEEE USE A DEODORANT AND MAKE FULL USE OF IT!

Lots of Love



Pray For Gaza

Assalamualaikum,

     My days have been drained with the news on whats happening in Palastine to the people in Gaza. It breaks my heart. I wish I had strength to upload more photos in this entry to show a clearer scene of whats it like there but I myself could not even bear to look at the photos that they have been posting everyday in the media or in the social networks. We should be feeling blessed with our surroundings, no bombs, no one gets shot for walking at a certain street, its a free country where U could go anywhere U want and do whatever U want. A place where children could run and enjoy their time at the park. I do wonder, with this issue going on, whoever claimed Muslims are terrorists should really think again. The propaganda of the Jews, of course. Are we the ones that should be labelled as the terrorists?

     I beg to those who have time, everytime we pray, in each prayer, make a Doa for them, for their peace, for things to be better. I beg to those who have money to make donation to the those that are running the foundation to help the people in Gaza (please be sure of the foundation that U want to donate, make sure they are legitimately certified by the authority). If money is too much to ask, doa,doa&DOA... Us Muslims should be United to help our Muslim brothers and sisters. A doa can do so much if and only IF you believe. Doa for the killing&the suffering to stop! The Jews may have their guns and bombs but Us muslims hold the powerful weapon which is the Doa. So, please... Let us all do what we can to help.

Rasulullah s.a.w once said :

1."The relationship of the believer with another believer is like (the bricks of) a building, each strengthens the other."

 

2.  "A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim. So he should not oppress him nor should he hand him over to (his satan or to his self which is inclined to evil). Whoever fulfills the needs of his brother, ALLAH will fulfill his needs; whoever removes the troubles of his brother, ALLAH will remove one of his troubles on the Day of Resurrection; and whoever covers up the fault of a Muslim, ALLAH will cover up his fault on the Day of Resurrection".
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

 

May Allah s.w.t bless Us all
Wassalam
X

'Ikhlas'

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

     Hello there, mates! Hope all is well on the other side. I attended a closed usrah session sometime last week and it was a very meaningful one. It was a privilege to be there because..... Ustaz Dr. Dato' Harun Din was the one giving the talk. How awesome is thaaaaat. All thanks to Kak Fa! It was an usrah session for artists yang baru hijrah. She received the invite and asked me if I wanted to tag along and of course I wanted to! I even sat right in front! I felt lucky.

(This was how close I was! Awesome kaaannn *grins*)

 



Anyway, he shared insights on Amalan and so on.. The things that caught my attention was when he talked abt Ikhlas. How privilege it is when someone feels sincere in the ibadah that he/she has done. Did you know that... 'Ikhlas' is one of the many many MANY rahsia Allah s.w.t? Yes. Not everybody is sincere on the ibadah that they are doing. There are people who do it because to them it's like a routine or something U see other's doing. They dont know the importance of solat, puasa and perkara-perkara wajib yang lain or even other good deeds. U do it because Ur parents told U to, because Ur Ustaz told U to, or because Ur boyfriend/girlfriend told U to and not because U want to, not becaue U need to. I was like that once before. Mama had to always remind me to solat. Bila masuk waktu je, and she comes upstairs and see me watching TV she'd be saying "Adiiiikkk, dah masuk waktu ni. Pergi solat! Apa nak jadi ni? Xkan nak hidup macam lembu tak ada matlamat" Yuppp! that's what she always say to me once before. So, nak mengelakkan dia bebel2 i go inside my room, with a heavy heart, with my mind wondering about the TV show I was watching and ambik wudhu' and solat. Niat bila solat "Sahaja aku solat . . . . kerana Allah Ta'ala" dalam hati baik cakap "Sahaja aku solat . . . kerana Mama suruh" so, it makes my ibadah tak berkualiti and tak Ikhlas. Allah s.w.t choose who He wants to inject the sincerity to. So, feel blessed and lucky if U have been ikhlas with all the ibadah U have been doing. How do U get sincerity? U doa from Allah s.w.t everytime U solat. U doa for a sincere heart, cleanse Ur heart from dengki,from jealousy and from Riak.They say when U sedaqah, "Lebih baik tangan kiri tidak tahu apa yang tangan kanan memberi" *im jumbling my own words to the understanding of the statement*  it's best when U sedeqah and no one else knows. Only U and Allah s.w.t knows. Elakkan daripada menimbulkan perasaan riak in Urself. Like Ustaz Dr. Dato Harun Din said last night, sometimes when U solat in front of people there's a feeling of Ohhh people are watching me! I better solat betul2 nanti dapat praises! Now that is RIAK . Lari daripada the true concept of what Ur doing. The niat. Again, the niat is "Sahaja aku solat . . . KERANA ALLAH TA'ALA' Isn't it for Him? Then why care if people are looking? why bother to even think about others that are looking? Why expect praises when initially if U dont think about other people, Ur pahala is waiting for U. Baiklah dapat pahala daripada praises. Praises wont be weighed in the afterlife at Alam Barzakh but it is ur deeds. Deeds that comes from a sincere heart. There is one other example that Ustaz Dr. Dato Harun Din gave us last night which was... when someone yawns beria-ia and another person sees and asks "Beria betul menguap, mengantuk betul kau ni" and the person answers "Semalam bangun pukul 3 pagi buat solat Tahajud lepas tu tak tidur sampai ke laa ni" Sadly, the amount of pahala that U woke up for Tahajud has been decreased all because of Ur statement. To me, a good deed isn't a good deed if everyone else knows. A good deed is between U and Allah s.w.t. Whatever good U do, there's no need to tell the whole world. Keep it private. Take it as a privacy of the relationship between U and Allah s.w.t and that leads to Ikhlas and all the pahala that Allah has promised to give U for the good that U have done will be all Urs. No deduction! Isn't that amazing? Who wouldnt want that? I know I do and Im sure everyone does too. Hope this is something worth sharing, Insyaallah! Have a blessed weekend ahead and enjoy the Deepavali holidays!

Jazakallah Khayrun
Wassalam
X

"Sabar itu adalah cahaya Nur yang bercahaya besar. Semakin sabar orang itu, semakin besar cahayanya"

-from our beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w

Something I myself am practising on...... 'Sabar'. They say patience is a virtue and Rasulullah said what he said that meant much more. <3





Never Enough

Assalamualaikum,
    
     Its been awhile since I've last posted on my blog. Have been too caught up with assignments and daily errands that I just sometimes wish I could make time slow down a lil to catch a breather but anyhow, still blessed to still be breathing every min and every sec of the day, Alhamdulillah.
So, 'Never Enough'. It is what it is, it means what it means. We are never enough, they are never enough, my things are never enough, my money is never enough, my amalan is never enough, EVERYTHING is never enough. I admit, there are times that I have been ungrateful of things I have. Always counting the things I dont have but never realizing so much that I have and sometimes U see others and U envy them for having things U dont have or even sometimes thinking what other's have are better than what U have padahal, kadang-kadang U have what they have but that's Us humans, untuk orang lain nampak, what we have sendiri tak pernah nak bersyukur. Take me for an example.

SITUATION :
This happened last Wednesday. I have two classes on Wednesdays. One at 8am-11am and the second at 2pm-5pm. Usually in between the gap, I'd go home and have lunch but i dint drive to class last Wednesday. Was too malas to search for parking and too malas to drive so Momma sent me to Uni that day. I decided to go for brunch with a good friend of mine, K. So after class we decided to walk across the road from Uni and have brunch at this Mamak, Bintang Cafe. So, i had my nasi lemak and K was busy on her laptop preparing for her speech presentation for our second class. Tiba-tiba, another friend of mine, Naim came and decided to join Us. It was raining heavily outside so we were stuck in the cafe. While waiting for the rain to stop we chatted away and then, Naim keluarkan his Ipad. I asked if I could browse his Ipad. As I took his Ipad from him, I asked "Naim, ni Ipad 2 ke?" and he said yes, it is and I said "Eh, samalah macam Ipad I tapi kenapa Ipad U mcm cantik and look at the screen so, shiny! U tak guna screen protector ke?" and he answered "Guna lah, cuba tengok!" and pointed out the sticker lines on top and continued... "kenapa pulak nampak lain, kan sama dengan U punya" and then i started narrating in my head "haaaa... orang lain punya semua nampak cantik, diri sendiri punya U say not naiiissss. Tak appreciate. Nanti nak blog about this lah *grins* dalam kepala otak sendiri*"

     So, my motive here is to show that we sometimes dont see what we have but we see what other's have even if sometimes we have what they have. We should start seeing the things we have and start appreciating them. There are times as well when U see other people's partners are better than Ur own. U start to compare. Nobody should be compared. Everybody is different in their own very way. U might say Ur partner is this this this and this and Ur friend's partner is good at this this this and this and He is not this this this and this. When U have two people in front of U and U weigh the good and the bad, well... at times yes it is necessary but at times when U find what U want, U already have it next to U, U just want more. The characteristics grows. Today, U may want this.. Tomorrow, U might want something else. U see Ur friend's boyfriend all sweet and all and U start to compare and U change the direction and say "I want that. Why cant I have that?" Padahal, what U wanted, Allah dah bagi dah. He has given U what U wanted.
     This is my personal experience, everytime I go through a break up, I start wishing and praying and listing out my types and Allah is great, my prayers were answered. Maybe not all but certain characteristics termakbul. For instance, when I was 16, I wanted to date a younger guy and wanted someone who was in the same school as I was. When I say younger, I mean someone still in school, probably a year older. The thing is about me, I like older guys. I go for maturity. Anyway, so I met someone that was still schooling  and went to the same school as I did and he was a year older than me. It lasted for about 6months and we took different paths. He was a great guy, definitely was but the thing is, at times the conversations we had just made me go "Ya, Allah... apabenda dia cakap niiii???????? why is he talking about this? Why is he even saying things that just dont make sense?" but apart from that, he was really great. I remember him always travelling from Bangsar to TTDI and waiting for me and spending on me when I dint have money. He never mind wasting time on me, he'd do anything for me. He was definitely a sweetheart but all that was drained away because I couldnt handle the differences and started drifting my feelings and praying for something else. Next, while both him and I were drifting apart, I started praying for somebody else to pop out in my life. I wanted someone tall, knowledgable, just really really smart! and then.... POP! I dint have to wait too long, somebody else appeared. Somebody 5 years older, really smart, tall, he was studying in UIA doing Engineering. Well, we dated for a couple of months and our differences came to appear and it drilled in my head and I couldnt handle it. He was really smart and he actually made me feel inferior and intimidated by him and he actually made me feel stupid. Like seriously, rasa bodoh to the core. Yes, maybe tersilap doa. I should have said someone who is smart but does not make me feel stupid Lol. So, apa lagi... we ended it. So, my point is.... it is just never enough. U may get what U want, but not everything fits the bill. Not everything U want is everything U need. Allah may grant U the things U want at times but He will duga U and see if U can take it and if U can handle it. What I have learned is that we need to appreciate what we have and what is actually given to Us. Not everything is perfect and not everybody is perfect. We ourselves are not perfect why expect more from someone else? Doa benda yang baik, doa benda yang patut didoa. I no longer have a list of guys I want to end up with. I changed my doa to "What is best for my religion, my Iman and myself is best for me". Whatever is best to Allah for me, I will accept it in open arms. No more crappy lists of types! The key is to 'Berserah'. Phewwwwww..... Long post with crappy words aint it but I hope I actually made a point and made it worth reading!

Jazakallah Khayran
<3

Out-going turned Conservative

Assalamualaikum,

     I am in that state that's trying to deal with the changes surrounding me. I dint feel it months ago since I hijrah since during that time, I was done with school and haven't started college. Now, I can feel it's testing my eeman. Now that I am in college especially being in a private college, I'm dealing with all this social activity that's happening that is no longer appropriate for me to attend. Back then, while I was in school.. I was always up to those school activity parties and always participating in the events and performances but now, things changed. This is a 360 change. Bear that I am not complaining but this is just a gesture of expressing how is it like for me and what triggers my istiqomah process.
 
     There was an event that occured last Thursday in college. It was called 'Freshman Night'. I attended since the attendance for freshmans were compulsary. I stayed for about half an hour and left after maghrib. It dint feel comfortable to me and it felt like it wasn't my place. I have to admit, it is hard. Most of my friends are not in the same pace as I am and most of my friends are indians and chinese in college so its not a big deal. Thank God for having two friends of mine that's in hijab so at least I know I'm not alone. There's an upcoming party that's happening this Thursday which is called 'Street Party' and it seems like everybody is talking about it and everybody is going, everybody but me. Like I said, I have to admit it is pretty hard, feeling left out and knowing that after class everybody seems to have a plan after and I have to head home. Like my previous post. I posted about me being boring and mundane as a person but maybe its the fact that my lifestyle is changing. These are called 'dugaan'. Yes, my life is plain and no longer happening but even though it is tough but I'm okay with it. I know this is the best place to be and I know all this patience of my dugaan thats occuring to me will be awarded if I do good, that is, Insyaallah.

     I love singing, music has been my passion. Music is even in the family. I was told that I'm pretty good at this passion of mine. My whole family well except for Mama are all talented in music and into music. Now that I've changed, the upcoming events in college or maybe before when somebody gets married like for example kak jihan's wedding before, my siblings including myself sang for her wedding well.... Goodbye to those! Goodbye to participating in performances. That is no longer. Apparently, even our voices are aurats. It is tough to say goodbye to something I love but I love my religion more. I shall save it for performances in the bathroom or for my future husband. I'm guessing that's why my parents dont mind me blasting the music in my room once in awhile and making my room sound like there's a gig happening inside.

    Family gatherings were one of my 1sts events after I hijrah. My cousins and I have this thing where every time we meet we hug and give kisses on the cheeks and this time, every time I see them I dont hand out my hand to salam. A smile and a greeting is now how I greet them. At 1st, some of the guys came to me and wanted to shake my hand and i immediately looked down and showed that hand gesture that I dont salam and they'd be like "owhhh" and walkaway. The first time was pretty awkward but I think they now understand. For some of them actually understood as I walked in from the start and they saw I was in hijab and they greeted me with a smile and with respect they did not salam. Now everything is just easy but those who dont understand for instance like, friends for the ones who understands and respect they dont need to go through the awkward situation but for the ones who doesnt understand, its not a situation which I enjoy. What I dont quiet understand is, the ones that are not muhrim of course, the Muslims guys, well... dont they understand? Dont they have any respect? You dont just come shaking a girl's hand esp when she's in a proper menutup aurat attire. Well, yea.. even if she doesnt wear a hijab, U shouldnt salam, as a sign of respect but hey its a pretty common thing amongst them but for the ones who does wear a hijab, dont u have any sense not to shake their hands? if they (the guys) are non muslims, I understand and I dont mind explaining why but to explain and to be in that awkward situation amongst the muslim guys well... come on... U really do not want to be going through that situation and acting as if U do not know at all. Personally, that just shows lack of respect.

     Relationships, well... Yes, I am seeing someone for the past one year + and he is the one who has been my source of strength through out my experience. He has been my cheerleader and my back bone. It is pretty much complicated at times ( well most of the time), it is rough, cant lie but above all that I know I have someone to depend on. He has seen me change and he has been there from day one of my process of changing and seen my progress. He was with me from before and after my hijrah. It was tough at 1st, yes we held hands before just like them out there like normal couples but as I hijrah, he has played a big role. In fact, he was one of the happiest person to see me change and he has always supported me. The best part is, not only did I hijrah my lifestyle but so did he. He is more religious than I am, that I can say. He may not be perfect but I know he is a good man for me. He has been taking care of my aurat too and supported in my education in giving me strength to go through hardships. Friends that know him say Im lucky and its hard to find someone like him in this time especially that can blend with me as he is also weird and that can be patient with someone as indecisive as I am and not to mention complicated BUT most importantly to have the same ultimate goal as I do. If I am lucky, Alhamdulillah. All praises to Allah and I do hope it persists. I do hope to take this relationship to another level and do the right thing but that's the twist! My father disapproves. My father is an old fashion man. The guy Im seeing is a creative designer and working in Utusan which for me, I'm okay with that. He's doing pretty good but for my father being a creative designer isn't professional. He wants me to be with someone like a doctor, a lawyer, that sort of profession but he doesnt see what's most important but oh well! lets leave that to Allah. I believe, when U desire for something good mesti ada jalan. He will bukakkan pintu rezeki, he will bukakkan hati, Insyaallah. Other than my father, all is good. My mum likes him, my siblings love him and so does my nephew, Harris and Hanna's too small to judge! ;p If it doesnt happen for him and I, well it is not meant to be but if it is, Ahamdulillah. I know, Insyaallah I'll be in good hands. If he is stated to be mine, he will be mine. That's Allah's job to determine not mine. My job is to doa for the best.

     To sum it all up, my journey has been one roller coaster ride. I take dugaan as a sign of Allah loves me, that's why He is giving me dugaan to challenge my eeman and to make me a better person at the end of the day and increase my inner-self and to bring me closer to Him. Till today, I am still adapting with my lifestyle changes and staying strong to istiqomah with my amalans and struggling to be comfortable in my own skin. Truth is, it isn't easy but it is all worth it if U know what's the purpose of U living on earth. All is for Him. What Ur friends may think is ugly or out of date may be beautiful to The Almighty, Allah s.w.t. Nothing is easy in life but never complain, always Doa. Always take the negativity and turn it into a positive thing for U. I can complain and sulk and be pissed about 101 things everyday but why should I? I am thankful for all the blessings that He has given me. If U think Ur life is terrible, there are always others who is living in a more terrible situation than U are. If U think U are religious enough, good enough, there are other people that are better than U. Live moderately and always be thankful.

Wassalam,
Jazakallah Khayran
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Assalamualaikum,
  
     First of all, I did not expect that my blog would be viewed nor read by anyone. Like I stated in my first post that this was meant for me, a place to express, a place to practice writing but then again, it is on the net! How can I not expect people to not read but Alhamdulillah, I hope this is a place to share my thoughts with the ones who read and probably gain a lil something from this and maybe a place where someone who reads can go "Omg, Im not alone! She feels the same way too!" Moving on...

     I was talking to a new friend of mine and we were having that kind of conversation where questions are being asked about U, Urself. That sorta thing. So, as we were talking suddenly I realised OMG! I am such a mundane person! Im such a boring person! I dont hang out that much now, I'm always with my family or in college with friends or probably when I crave for food Ill call a close friend of mine to teman to fulfill my cravings. Other than that... WELL THAT'S IT! I can say I'm socially awkward, I dont fit in so much with my high school friends anymore. We've all gone to different paths and easy to say, we're all different now. Not just high school friends but some cliques that I cant click. Now that I hijrah, I kinda am picky with the places I hang out at. It's depressing kind to think of it but I guess that's just how it goes and eventhough it might seem boring but I'm okay with it. I'm complex in my own way but mundane in my social life. Truth is, its better! Ive been through friendships that hurt so many times so,sometimes its better to be Ur own bestfriend but then again I have friends around me whom I've started to love in college or my high school friends, though we dont hang out much, memories will always be cherished or even friends that I made through out my years that are still in contact! U see, people may come and go in our lives but its the memories that stays within us. Good times are meant to be cherished, and the bad... well those are the ones we call experience. Thats the beauty of learning. It's experience that grows U as a person. Mundane or not, Alhamdulillah for everything that I have been receiving from The Almighty. Syukur seribu nikmat.

Wassalam,
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

WOMEN

Assalamualaikum! (if there is anybody reading)
    
     Hari ni at exactly 12:43 pm the time i am starting to write.. I shall write about as you can see up there, the title is 'Women'. Yes, 'Women'. What about Women? I'm not even sure if I'm even cut out to write about Women and not even sure I am a woman yet. So, what is a Woman? The dictionary says its the female human being, an adult female person,a female attendant to a lady of rank,a wife, a sweetheart or paramour;mistress (whuuutt???) These are the definition of the word 'Woman' in the dictionary but in your very own point of view... what is a Woman? what are Women? Yes, a plural of women (obviously) but what is ur definition of a Woman?

      In my point of view, I can define it in one word which is STRONG. I grew up around women that are strong, well at least I was raised by one. My mother, she is the strongest person I know. The most patient, the most strongest, a woman I personally admire most. Apart from my mother whom I love and admire most, I saw women in front of me as I grew.. They were mistreated, they were left by husbands, they raised their own kids, they're the ones who go out to cari rezeki to put food on the table for their kids. Well, for me... my mother's case was different. 18 years of my life, i lived in a perfect imperfect world where I had both of my parents but for personal reasons I know what my Mum had to go through. Lets let that remain private. I'm not here to talk about my Mum but I'm here to talk about how these other women that I've seen go through their lives. Contoh terdekat is my sister, Kak Jihan. Married twice, 1st husband left when my nephew, Harris was 3 months old. Never gave nafkah, never took the responsibility. 2nd marriage, he was in his own world. Suka hati nak balik, tak nak balik during the marriage. Left after a week or less after my niece, Hanna was born. Never gave nafkah, even the hospital bill on Hanna's birth was on her. Isn't that crazy?? Why? I'd like to find out why are these men behaving this way? Im happy to be taking up Psychology. Maybe one day with knowledge I'd understand better why these things happen and what is going through their minds. Lack of ajaran agama? kurang didikan from family? These men are even old enough if we say it's about maturity. They take a much longer time to ripe i suppose. Maturity is not at all about age factor. I suppose its the experience that you go through matures you. Any religion do not teach their Men to behave such way and to treat their Women this way. Not just that, I heard many stories about Men leaving their wives for other Women or some Men after awhile of marriage, they discover they're not meant to be married. Sighhh... I sighhh long for this! These are the factors of why Marriage scares the crap out of me! But, for us Muslims.. our weapon is our 'Doa'.

     Here's something my Aunt told me and something I add on to it... Everytime you pray... the last sujud before our takhyat akhir once we finish our 'Subhanarabiala'lawabihamdih' 3 times, we recite our doa.. Pray to Allah, speak to Him as what I heard that, that gesture, the last sujud is the closest spiritually that we are with Him. Doa for what kind of Men you want. I'd doa for a Man with Eeman, who can guide me and my future zuriat, who would love me endlessly, who can take me to Jannah, who would love and respect my parents and family, who loves his and responsible towards his Mum,who is responsible towards Me, his wife and also Mampu to take care of his future family. So, what's your doa? For the single ladies (Beyonce's song is ringing in my head now) put yo hands up! and lets start doa, hoping we wont end up being these women. Hoping and Praying that we'll be the lucky ones.

AMIN.



Jazakallah Khayran,
Wassalam
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Mi Viage

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...
Assalamualaikum,

     I needed a place to express, and i needed a place where I could write as it has been so long since i have. Now that I've started college and i need to get back to writing, I'm a lil' rusty here and there. My words dont seem to come out well enough and my ideas dont seem to flow so here I am, making another blog to express myself thus, to brush up my writing. ANYWAY! Motive of being here is to express, maybe to share, to inspire (as if im inspiring enough -___-) maybe my stories could turn out to be lessons to some and maybe an awareness. Who knows? and just cause I want to!

     It's been years since I've blogged! I googled my old blog and read through and actually laughed and literally wanted to puke. How immature and adorable it was but that's the process of life. I might look at this blog years after and laugh again to it! We grow, our minds change, we mature, we develop. Anyway, I hope I'm actually making some sense!

     'Mi Viage', to me spanish is such a sexy language. The sound to it as they speak makes me melt. 'Mi Viage' translated in English is 'My Journey' so this entry is about well... Me and my journey. It is my blog so it is of course about Mua! ;P It's been almost 7 months since I hijrah. It's been a pleasure and a blessing to have received His hidayah. I personally think it's the best decision I have ever made. I remember the 'Big Day' well enough. It was on the 12th of February 2012. It was on the day that I had my JPJ test. I was not so nervous about the driving test but i was juggling between should I or should I not take a step which was a huge step to actually change my lifestyle, change EVERYTHING about myself.

      Alhamdulillah, I passed my driver's test with no complications and just when I passed, I drove home and was so sure that I wanted to do this. I got home, went upstairs and bathed and put on my maxi skirt and a black long sleeved cotton tshirt and I went in my sister's room and grabbed one of her shawls. Kak Jihan which is my second sister made the first move about a year ago. My change was after my eldest sister, KakFa who hijrah the day before I did. Anyway, I went downstairs and found Mama and KakJihan downstairs having breakfast and I asked KakJihan to show me how to put on the shawl properly and so she did and after that, I never took off the shawl. I never left the house without covering my aurah. A pure blessing. Everything else followed after. I never dared to leave my solat. Im more cautious with words I use. I can say that I think,I'm really taking care of my relationship with my parents especially my Mum. Covering my aurah and doing whatever it is us Muslims are directed to do by Allah s.w.t doesn't mean we're perfect. We try to be better people, better servants to Allah s.w.t. I keep in mind that we're never better than others. We are all the same, I just wanna be better for Him and I just want to keep the process of my hijrah going everyday.

     This all came to me as I finished my SPM last year. I'd be awaken from my sleep at approx 4am in the morning and thinking of what would happen to me? Questions like "What if I die tomorrow?" "Apa nak jadi ni, solat tak jaga?" "Bila nak berubah?" were playing in my mind. Allah is Great... I think it is what KakFa calls it 'Magic' from Allah s.w.t. It was a way of Him opening my heart to actually lead me to his path actually rescuing me from my awful AWFUL sins. I also thought of my father. For daughters who are not married, whoever goes out from the house and exposing your aurah to the people that are not ur muhrim, its your father who is going to carry all that load of sins! Astaghfirullahalazim, that made me go more crazier! Months and months past, and hey! here I am hoping to be better. I cant thank Allah s.w.t enough.

    I also started baking! Ironically, I dont even like cakes. I dont eat them, never been a fan of them but rezeki from Allah s.w.t He gave me the ability to and guess what? People love them! Now, i even sell them! Its crazy and ironic and also a blessing at the same time. My maid also ran away a few weeks after that, and I was known as the malas one but since my maid ran away, my kerajinan took place and now I wash and I clean! Hijrah is in the form of everything... not just spiritually, but in every aspect of yourself. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah... Syukur Alhamdulillah. I really hope this will maintain and He wont take this away from me. I pray to hijrah everyday, Insyaallah.

     Some come to me and ask how do I change? how do I get to that path? Well, it all depends on yourself and making a reality check on why are you living on this earth? Everything is for Allah s.w.t. Isn't it? Whatever you do is for Him and no one else. Some are afraid of leaving all that they are used to such as a social life, those clothes that shows off our gems well... I was there too, i too worry the same things before but when your heart is at the right place, those factors would not be an issue anymore. You just might be making the best decision EVER! It all depends on you... ;)

Wassalam,
Jazakallah Khayran
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