Never Enough

Assalamualaikum,
    
     Its been awhile since I've last posted on my blog. Have been too caught up with assignments and daily errands that I just sometimes wish I could make time slow down a lil to catch a breather but anyhow, still blessed to still be breathing every min and every sec of the day, Alhamdulillah.
So, 'Never Enough'. It is what it is, it means what it means. We are never enough, they are never enough, my things are never enough, my money is never enough, my amalan is never enough, EVERYTHING is never enough. I admit, there are times that I have been ungrateful of things I have. Always counting the things I dont have but never realizing so much that I have and sometimes U see others and U envy them for having things U dont have or even sometimes thinking what other's have are better than what U have padahal, kadang-kadang U have what they have but that's Us humans, untuk orang lain nampak, what we have sendiri tak pernah nak bersyukur. Take me for an example.

SITUATION :
This happened last Wednesday. I have two classes on Wednesdays. One at 8am-11am and the second at 2pm-5pm. Usually in between the gap, I'd go home and have lunch but i dint drive to class last Wednesday. Was too malas to search for parking and too malas to drive so Momma sent me to Uni that day. I decided to go for brunch with a good friend of mine, K. So after class we decided to walk across the road from Uni and have brunch at this Mamak, Bintang Cafe. So, i had my nasi lemak and K was busy on her laptop preparing for her speech presentation for our second class. Tiba-tiba, another friend of mine, Naim came and decided to join Us. It was raining heavily outside so we were stuck in the cafe. While waiting for the rain to stop we chatted away and then, Naim keluarkan his Ipad. I asked if I could browse his Ipad. As I took his Ipad from him, I asked "Naim, ni Ipad 2 ke?" and he said yes, it is and I said "Eh, samalah macam Ipad I tapi kenapa Ipad U mcm cantik and look at the screen so, shiny! U tak guna screen protector ke?" and he answered "Guna lah, cuba tengok!" and pointed out the sticker lines on top and continued... "kenapa pulak nampak lain, kan sama dengan U punya" and then i started narrating in my head "haaaa... orang lain punya semua nampak cantik, diri sendiri punya U say not naiiissss. Tak appreciate. Nanti nak blog about this lah *grins* dalam kepala otak sendiri*"

     So, my motive here is to show that we sometimes dont see what we have but we see what other's have even if sometimes we have what they have. We should start seeing the things we have and start appreciating them. There are times as well when U see other people's partners are better than Ur own. U start to compare. Nobody should be compared. Everybody is different in their own very way. U might say Ur partner is this this this and this and Ur friend's partner is good at this this this and this and He is not this this this and this. When U have two people in front of U and U weigh the good and the bad, well... at times yes it is necessary but at times when U find what U want, U already have it next to U, U just want more. The characteristics grows. Today, U may want this.. Tomorrow, U might want something else. U see Ur friend's boyfriend all sweet and all and U start to compare and U change the direction and say "I want that. Why cant I have that?" Padahal, what U wanted, Allah dah bagi dah. He has given U what U wanted.
     This is my personal experience, everytime I go through a break up, I start wishing and praying and listing out my types and Allah is great, my prayers were answered. Maybe not all but certain characteristics termakbul. For instance, when I was 16, I wanted to date a younger guy and wanted someone who was in the same school as I was. When I say younger, I mean someone still in school, probably a year older. The thing is about me, I like older guys. I go for maturity. Anyway, so I met someone that was still schooling  and went to the same school as I did and he was a year older than me. It lasted for about 6months and we took different paths. He was a great guy, definitely was but the thing is, at times the conversations we had just made me go "Ya, Allah... apabenda dia cakap niiii???????? why is he talking about this? Why is he even saying things that just dont make sense?" but apart from that, he was really great. I remember him always travelling from Bangsar to TTDI and waiting for me and spending on me when I dint have money. He never mind wasting time on me, he'd do anything for me. He was definitely a sweetheart but all that was drained away because I couldnt handle the differences and started drifting my feelings and praying for something else. Next, while both him and I were drifting apart, I started praying for somebody else to pop out in my life. I wanted someone tall, knowledgable, just really really smart! and then.... POP! I dint have to wait too long, somebody else appeared. Somebody 5 years older, really smart, tall, he was studying in UIA doing Engineering. Well, we dated for a couple of months and our differences came to appear and it drilled in my head and I couldnt handle it. He was really smart and he actually made me feel inferior and intimidated by him and he actually made me feel stupid. Like seriously, rasa bodoh to the core. Yes, maybe tersilap doa. I should have said someone who is smart but does not make me feel stupid Lol. So, apa lagi... we ended it. So, my point is.... it is just never enough. U may get what U want, but not everything fits the bill. Not everything U want is everything U need. Allah may grant U the things U want at times but He will duga U and see if U can take it and if U can handle it. What I have learned is that we need to appreciate what we have and what is actually given to Us. Not everything is perfect and not everybody is perfect. We ourselves are not perfect why expect more from someone else? Doa benda yang baik, doa benda yang patut didoa. I no longer have a list of guys I want to end up with. I changed my doa to "What is best for my religion, my Iman and myself is best for me". Whatever is best to Allah for me, I will accept it in open arms. No more crappy lists of types! The key is to 'Berserah'. Phewwwwww..... Long post with crappy words aint it but I hope I actually made a point and made it worth reading!

Jazakallah Khayran
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