As a first year student of Psychology, I kinda feel worthless but at the same time anxious to speed up to learn more and understand more of how the human brain works and how feelings are developed. Worthless because I wish I could solve the hurricane in my mind. I wish I could understand how the mind works, I wish, I wish, I wish I knew what to do always.
Truth is, we don't even know where the mind is located. When someone asks "where is your mind?" it is a question that no one can even answer. It's been on debate for many years, yet no answer has been found so how really can U really understand the mind? I could read my Psychology textbook, I could memorize each word but would I understand myself better or others better? I could only try to understand the surface of how one feels, and when I truly have the complete knowledge, I could diagnose them with scientific symptoms but does anybody teaches U how to cure feelings? Broken hearts, or a journey that Ur not too sure of what is going to happen, the mystery that haunts you?
I feel like I have been given a mountain to climb, I wasn't that fit to hike up, it over whelmed me but yet, I trusted my guts to still go on and hike. As I climbed, I went through a lot of obstacles, but I faced it, something I did not imagine that I ever could. I still continued, I was tired but then I looked ahead and saw a place to rest, a place to catch a breather, a place that gave me a second to actually hope that I could reach the end but it only gave me a second. With no guarantees, I still climbed but I still couldn't see how the end would turn out to be, things were just too blurry. I was left scared and shattered and wondering do I climb down and give up but after all this time wasted should I give up now? Or shall I go on and 'believe' that I will reach the end? Will everything be okay? As a human, I wanted a guarantee to grasp on and that is where I realized, there isn't a guarantee. No one for sure knows what the outcome of a situation will lead to because we are not God.
They say, believe in Allah, hope, be positive, DOA and DOA. I have believed and I do believe in Allah, I have hoped and I still hope, I have doa-ed and still will keep on going on with my Doa but still why are these emotions and doubts of a certain matter keeps bugging me and my head? Truly because I was a human in need of a 'guarantee'. My peace was when people telling me that everything is going to be okay, they feel it's going to come out alright but none of them actually knows. Those are just words of calmness but never a guarantee. I have come to an outcome, that a guarantee is 'Believing' only in ONE, only in Him, Allah s.w.t. Sometimes it's hard, it is not as easy as it sounds like to Believe and submit Urself to Allah. There's when the syaitan comes, they whisper doubts, they make U doubt what U believe in.
We're just humans, we slip, we make mistakes, we often repeat the same mistakes over and over again but every time when U take a breath, remind Urself. Ask Urself, battle with the ones who whispers to U. I am only human, my iman is pretty weak and writing this, lifts me up from depression and refuels my beliefs, which I hope the ones who read, feels the same. Emotions are just emotions, U control them and U certainly control U. Ur fate is in the hands of Allah but what U believe in is also what U channel Urself through Ur own path and what may happen for U.
The ones who say "everything is going to be okay" or "everything is gonna happen and come out alright", they are not those who guarantees the situation but they are as means of Allah, tools of Allah to help U believe in what U worry about. When people embrace U with words of calmness, revive that they are not the ones who gives U guarantees but it is them who reminds U to 'Believe' in the One up there and they are the ones who refuels Ur beliefs.
A problem with myself is that I have this urge to fix things, to always wanting to do something about a situation immediately. Yes, I am a Miss Fix It. I do things and say things hastily in thought to fix but who really am I? I often forget to submit myself and turn to Allah and leave my problems to Allah. I often guide myself and forget God when I know Allah will find a way out for me and I know I would end up fixing it but in the right way. My brother in law and I had a conversation a month back that made me realize certain issues with myself and that I can't fix everything. I can't make things better with just a blink of an eye. Hasty decisions will not come out as genius and it will definitely not make things better and sometimes it turns into regret and leaves U bewildered with the situation that U are in. Those battles in Ur heart, those unwanted unnecessary feelings, come when you have all these symptoms as I have. Back to the 2nd paragraph of this write up, no one will ever understand Ur mind, Ur feelings or Ur emotions as only Allah knows it better, even better than U do. No shrink can ever tell U how to cure Urself as they could only diagnose U but to cure it there's only one way which is to submit, submit Urself to Allah and leave it to Allah and Pray and Pray.
Right here, right now, this impromptu write up made me feel way better and made me realize and made me muhasabah. I really hope those who feels this way too sometimes, find some goodness out of this write up, In shaa Allah. Together, we fix and mend our hearts and always reminding ourselves to submit ourselves to Allah, In shaa Allah, in hope for peace with ourselves and no more hurricanes in our minds as they are all syaitans.
X
