It has been so long since I've written anything here on my blog but since I have no appointments this morning, I thought I'd exercise my fingers on the keyboard. I posted out a photo of Maryam ending the day at about 6ish P.M. yesterday on my Instastory and I have received a few DMs asking how I trained Maryam to sleep. I've already replied one DM with a long explanation but I thought I'd reply others here and hopefully this would be beneficial for other moms reading too.
When I tell people that Maryam usually goes to sleep at 6 P.M. the usual reaction would be "WHAT? How do you do it?". When I told her doctor, he was so surprised and was in disbelief cause most Malaysian parents don't practice bedtime (quoting him). I'm also amazed by Maryam cause she made it easy for me (Alhamdulillah). I personally believe that children can be trained to follow bedtimes if we as parents prioritise it and I gotta say, I'm a control freak when it comes to this. I think it's crucial that children have enough sleeping hours. It's not only crucial for their development but also their emotional wellbeing. I find Maryam usually in a good mood when she gets sufficient amount of sleep. She wakes up very happy in the morning and I love that. I love starting my day with her smiling face.
So, how did I train her? Bear in mind, all children are different and I probably am lucky with Maryam and I would call it as my rezeki but this is what I did to train her to sleep and it may or may not work for you and your child but you of course can give this a try. I myself prioritise sleep and how many hours of sleep that I get. I remember back when I was in school, I made sure that I would get 8 hours of sleep or at least try to. As I entered college, I hardly work on my assignments till late at night unless I have to pull an all-nighter because of me putting it to the last minute (Im a typical student). But usually I would sleep pretty early and I totally won't wait up for no one! Boys could be all mad at me for not waiting up for them but no, baby.. no boy was worth jeopardising my sleep for! Late night movies with my husband? Tengok sorang-sorang lah dia movie tu halfway. Anyway, you get my point. So when I got Maryam and went through a horrible first month with her cause she did not want to sleep because lack of milk production in my department, I got depressed. Literally because I was exhausted and my sleep timing was haywire! When my milk started to improve and kick in, Maryam started sleeping very well. There was this one day that she slept at 6 P.M. and woke up the next morning and I was like, WOW! I took that opportunity to start training her. We did the exact same routine that we did the day before. She bathed at the same time, I put her down for naps at the same time, we did exactly the same thing as the day before and it worked! She slept again at 6 P.M. and I continued with that routine for a week. Soon after, it was programmed into her circadian rhythm. We all have a circadian rhythm which influences our sleeping patterns and sleep-wake cycles. It's the body's master clock. I was really happy with the achievement. As for myself, I had to sacrifice my night life such as dinners, running errands at night and other stuff that requires me to step out from the house at night. Basically my day ends as soon as Maryam is asleep but that's also when I get some 'Me Time'. As a student, I did my studying and assignments at night too so I could fully focus on my work so training Maryam to sleep was important for that reason too.
Here's some of the frequent questions I get asked:
Does Maryam wake up for feeds or does she sleep throughout the night?
Maryam's almost 17 months old and is a fully breastfed baby. Now that she eats (and U would probably know that Maryam loves food if you do watch her on Instagram), she has her milk less during the day but feeds on milk more during the night. I'm still waiting for her to sleep throughout the night cause I haven't had the chance to spread my hands wide enough for the last 17 months but I also do know that our breastfeeding journey will end soon so I'm just going to embrace our night feeds while it lasts.
Do I sleep during her feeds at night?
I do, I hear her waking up and I pull her close to feed and we go back to sleep right after but I do make sure of the position she is in every time though.
Now that she's 17 months old, I'm not so much as a control freak as I was before but her bedtime pattern is still between 6-8 P.M. daily. But sometimes I do have to attend weddings or family gatherings, so I make sure she naps later during the day or longer. Her daily nap time is usually between 10 - 11 A.M. and she'd wake up at 12/1 P.M. So, if say I have an event to attend to, I'd make her sleep at 3P.M. But I make sure that she never sleeps later than 10 P.M. that's a rule I try to maintain and she hardly does sleep that late.
Now, what do I do if she refuses to sleep? This does happen too. Sometimes, she's just filled with energy and now that she's developing into a little chatterbox and a jukebox (she loves talking now that she has a few words in her vocabulary and also now baru belajar nak menyanyi) she sometimes does not want to sleep. If it's during nap time, we would usually carry her and lay her in our arms and just dodoikan dia to sleep. She cries but sometimes it lasts for 5 minutes lepas tu terus tidur. I usually make my husband do this when he's home or what he does when I'm not at home. That's nap time, but if it's bedtime and she refuses to sleep, I'd turn the lights down and pretend to sleep and she'd sleep soon after too. Making the room pitch black helps make them sleepy because it releases melatonin which is a hormone that makes sleep more inviting.
During my pregnancy, I also used that period to think of what kind of a parent I wanted to be so I observed a lot and learned from those whose parenting methods I liked. My wedding photographer for example, I remember him telling me that his kids had a bedtime and that he and his wife made sure they were in bed at a specific time and I liked that idea. I told myself that I had to do that when I have children. I also study psychology and I learned these things so I implemented the things that I have learned into parenting. I'm still learning, observing and reading a lot as a parent. I want nothing but to give my children the best and the healthy environment that they possibly can have and I prioritise these things. Sometimes it takes sacrificing a lot of things for example, I have not been to the movies since I got Maryam and I have not been out with friends during the night. I bought Coldplay's concert tickets but sold it to the very last minute and one of the reasons being not wanting to leave Maryam during the night. I haven't listened to Coldplay since because of the regret in me but I did it cause I wanted to (cue - tears)
Anyway, I hope these tips from me may work for you and your child and probably something that you could try. Again, each of us are different and this may work or may not work for u as much as it did for me and Maryam. After all, we are all doing the very best that we can as parents regardless.
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