Poison Stares

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Hello, Holiday! The CNY Holidays has finally come upon us, Alhamdulillah! time for a break from classes and driving to Kota Damansara where my Uni is at. Its the road of Kota Damansara that I absolutely hate. The traffic lights that's just everywhere and of course the forever massive Jam! It's a disaster. It's time they built a transporter, Yes... definitely in my own lala land a transporter will only exist.

It was last Wednesday, a day that truly inspired me to write this. What is it with girls? Girls who U walk pass in the hallway or at a shopping mall or anywhere at all that looks at U from top to bottom and gives U that jeling Nek Bedah? Yes, I've encountered these situations many MANY times! I dont understand why and I never will. Do I come upon them as a threat? Or is it just my face, an unknown face that walks by that smiles at them that intimidates them? I'm not as pretty as Miss Universe, I'm a normal descent looking girl who walks around with a smile on my face cause I was taught that senyum itu sedeqah. Concept lari kah? Or am I just creepy? Maybe its my senget smile? I can question of so many but never will I get an infinite answer that will satisfy me.

I was in my Uni's mini mart, I was waiting for my friend, K that was in line to pay for her drink. I was standing at the corner in the mini mart and enjoying my Sausage Bread Roll, I was really hungry. The glass door of the mini mart was facing one of the cafeteria table. As I was eating, I took a glimpse outside and saw a group of malay girls sitting across at the table and they were all looking at me and whispering. I looked at them and imediately smiled and they turned. Some rolled their eyes, some smiled and some just looked away. As I looked away,I saw them looking again at me and I felt uncomfortable. I told K and K looked and she said "what's wrong with them, babe?" I just looked down and I said I had no idea why and left the mini mart. There were some girls that passed by me on some days and looked at me and just gave me that LOOK but to me, I find them amusing. I just smile and look away cause I know they benefit nothing from the way they look at me and I get Pahala. JYEAH! I know I wasn't wearing anything skimpy. Hello, I wear a tudung for God's sake. How skimpy do U want me to look? I dont wear tshirt and showing my arms and pakai tudung. I dont wear tights so why in the world are they looking at me like I was some kind of Alien. It was one of my Emo days last Wednesday, (I'm a girl, I have moody days) I was usually not at all affected by these looks but that day, I dont know why it got me thinking. I drove home with my mind wanting to look at myself and muhasabah. I wanted to figure out WHY? Why these girls(certain girls) like to look at me that way? I'm usually pretty confident with myself not in a 'Aku tahu aku cantik' kind of way but I usually am positive when I'm outside, when I'm in public surrounded by people. I dont really take notice of these negative vibes I receive at times from these girls cause I know I dont know them and they dont know me and I know they shouldn't have looked at me or anyone at all when someone smiles at them but it was just not a good day for me. On my way home, I felt bad for myself cause I questioned myself and my sincerity over smiles that I constantly give away. I arrived home and climbed up the stairs and entered my room and dropped everything on the floor and sat on my bed and grabbed my phone. I prayed inside, talking to Allah. I was on my 'Solat Break' and I missed my sujud badly but it's alright, I whispered to myself and just mengadu dekat the Almighty and I felt better. My phone suddenly beeped, I picked it up and checked it was Imran. Imran's currently in Mekah doing his Umrah. He asked how was my day and as usual, I poured how my day went and what happened in Uni. He's pretty much my alive walking diary. I told him and he felt frustrated and consoled me and he said "it's okay, Im going to the kaabah later, I'll make a doa for U, dont worry too much" or something that sounded like that, *excuse my lil amnesia* and I felt even better and then my positivity kicked in!

I know it wasn't me, I know that it's okay to smile at people, pahala sedeqah yang paling murah and paling senang but benefits a lot to a person and sometimes to another person that U smile at. I know I have done nothing wrong.  I sometimes check my face to see if I had my make up on wrongly but nope it wasn't me, it was clearly THEM. My lip cream and my eye liner has done nothing wrong to my face, it looks normal and descent enough. I learned that some girls fills themselves with insecurity. They may think they're confident enough or whatever it is they feel inside but when someone smiles and U roll those evil eyes of Urs or U see someone and U feel threatened and there's a need to look up and down and scan them and do Ur famous Jeling Nek Bedah, Yes, Ur definitely insecure about Urself. Getting the right type of confidence is important. Confidence to me is U feeling comfortable in Ur own skin and embracing the good that Allah has given U and bringing positivity on others and affecting them with that positive vibe of Urs. That's my definition of 'Confidence'. I know I'll never get rid of all these girls with this attitudes of their's but it's alright always slap them with a smile instead of looking back at them how they're looking at U.

Speaking of insecurities, there was once I went to One Utama with Imran, probably window shopping on that day. As we were walking, I stared at a shop because I was attracted to the top that they were displaying on their window. I also noticed a couple that was walking towards our direction but was in front of the shop. Coincidentally my eyes seemed like they were looking at them but actually I was staring at the window display as I was walking but suddenly I saw the girlfriend snapped and did her Jeling Nek Bedah to me and pulled his boyfriend's arm and gave me that stare and Imran asked "apahal perempuan tu pandang U macam tu?" and I thought she must have thought I was looking at her boyfriend when not at all I wasn't and tak perasan pun muka boyfriend dia macam mana and I would not do that to the person that was walking next to me which was Imran. Kalau nak buat dosa kering sekali pun nak pandang a guy baik tengok sebelah je! Gosh, insecurities! Get a grip! Imran and I laughed about it as we walked and couldn't stop talking about it after. Like I said, it's amusing how these girls behave. Ada yang insecure suruh their boyfriends delete a certain girl from the boyfriend's FB, unfollow on Twitter and Instagram who tak langsung kacau their boyfriends pun ada. Yes, I was recently hit with a bummer news that a friend did that to me. A friend that I haven't been contacting but it probably triggered the girlfriend when I liked a shared post that he shared on his wall about an Islamic thing and she liked it too and it was only her name and my name that liked the post on the newsfeed. Insecure on a certain person from the boyfriend's past that triggered her with only a Like botton on Facebook I suppose? It's a pity but its alright. I know what's my niat and I know what I've been doing and as long as Allah knows, Im cool with that. Not saying I'm perfect but I know I haven't done anything wrong to them. Shame on her and shame on girlfriends that does that and feels insecure.

I know I'm not the only one who goes through all this cause I know and Im so sure other girls must have gone through the same. I know we cant run away from these girls and situations like these but Im sure we can all doa for them and send them positive vibes with just a smile back, giving them something to think about when they walk away out of Ur sight. Never let these stares that these girls give U capture Ur mind and mess with Ur inner self. Its them who has a problem and definitely not YOU. Let them stare at U when U smile, take that as a boost of Ur own confidence telling U that they're just feeling inferior by Ur presence with just U passing by. That's how strong Ur vibe is ;)


Be positive always,
Jazakallah&May Allah bless Us all and keep Us away from what I call heart diseases
Wassalam
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