How I Sleep Trained Maryam

It has been so long since I've written anything here on my blog but since I have no appointments this morning, I thought I'd exercise my fingers on the keyboard. I posted out a photo of Maryam ending the day at about 6ish P.M. yesterday on my Instastory and I have received a few DMs asking how I trained Maryam to sleep. I've already replied one DM with a long explanation but I thought I'd reply others here and hopefully this would be beneficial for other moms reading too. 

When I tell people that Maryam usually goes to sleep at 6 P.M. the usual reaction would be "WHAT? How do you do it?". When I told her doctor, he was so surprised and was in disbelief cause most Malaysian parents don't practice bedtime (quoting him). I'm also amazed by Maryam cause she made it easy for me (Alhamdulillah).  I personally believe that children can be trained to follow bedtimes if we as parents prioritise it and I gotta say, I'm a control freak when it comes to this. I think it's crucial that children have enough sleeping hours. It's not only crucial for their development but also their emotional wellbeing. I find Maryam usually in a good mood when she gets sufficient amount of sleep. She wakes up very happy in the morning and I love that. I love starting my day with her smiling face.

So, how did I train her? Bear in mind, all children are different and I probably am lucky with Maryam and I would call it as my rezeki but this is what I did to train her to sleep and it may or may not work for you and your child but you of course can give this a try. I myself prioritise sleep and how many hours of sleep that I get. I remember back when I was in school, I made sure that I would get 8 hours of sleep or at least try to. As I entered college, I hardly work on my assignments till late at night unless I have to pull an all-nighter because of me putting it to the last minute (Im a typical student). But usually I would sleep pretty early and I totally won't wait up for no one! Boys could be all mad at me for not waiting up for them but no, baby.. no boy was worth jeopardising my sleep for! Late night movies with my husband? Tengok sorang-sorang lah dia movie tu halfway. Anyway, you get my point. So when I got Maryam and went through a horrible first month with her cause she did not want to sleep because lack of milk production in my department, I got depressed. Literally because I was exhausted and my sleep timing was haywire! When my milk started to improve and kick in, Maryam started sleeping very well. There was this one day that she slept at 6 P.M. and woke up the next morning and I was like, WOW! I took that opportunity to start training her. We did the exact same routine that we did the day before. She bathed at the same time, I put her down for naps at the same time, we did exactly the same thing as the day before and it worked! She slept again at 6 P.M. and I continued with that routine for a week. Soon after, it was programmed into her circadian rhythm. We all have a circadian rhythm which influences our sleeping patterns and sleep-wake cycles. It's the body's master clock. I was really happy with the achievement. As for myself, I had to sacrifice my night life such as dinners, running errands at night and other stuff that requires me to step out from the house at night. Basically my day ends as soon as Maryam is asleep but that's also when I get some 'Me Time'. As a student, I did my studying and assignments at night too so I could fully focus on my work so training Maryam to sleep was important for that reason too. 

Here's some of the frequent questions I get asked: 

Does Maryam wake up for feeds or does she sleep throughout the night? 

Maryam's almost 17 months old and is a fully breastfed baby. Now that she eats (and U would probably know that Maryam loves food if you do watch her on Instagram), she has her milk less during the day but feeds on milk more during the night. I'm still waiting for her to sleep throughout the night cause I haven't had the chance to spread my hands wide enough for the last 17 months but I also do know that our breastfeeding journey will end soon so I'm just going to embrace our night feeds while it lasts. 

Do I sleep during her feeds at night? 

I do, I hear her waking up and I pull her close to feed and we go back to sleep right after but I do make sure of the position she is in every time though. 

Now that she's 17 months old, I'm not so much as a control freak as I was before but her bedtime pattern is still between 6-8 P.M. daily. But sometimes I do have to attend weddings or family gatherings, so I make sure she naps later during the day or longer. Her daily nap time is usually between 10 - 11 A.M. and she'd wake up at 12/1 P.M. So, if say I have an event to attend to, I'd make her sleep at 3P.M. But I make sure that she never sleeps later than 10 P.M. that's a rule I try to maintain and she hardly does sleep that late. 

Now, what do I do if she refuses to sleep? This does happen too. Sometimes, she's just filled with energy and now that she's developing into a little chatterbox and a jukebox (she loves talking now that she has a few words in her vocabulary and also now baru belajar nak menyanyi) she sometimes does not want to sleep. If it's during nap time, we would usually carry her and lay her in our arms and just dodoikan dia to sleep. She cries but sometimes it lasts for 5 minutes lepas tu terus tidur. I usually make my husband do this when he's home or what he does when I'm not at home. That's nap time, but if it's bedtime and she refuses to sleep, I'd turn the lights down and pretend to sleep and she'd sleep soon after too. Making the room pitch black helps make them sleepy because it releases melatonin which is a hormone that makes sleep more inviting. 

During my pregnancy, I also used that period to think of what kind of a parent I wanted to be so I observed a lot and learned from those whose parenting methods I liked. My wedding photographer for example, I remember him telling me that his kids had a bedtime and that he and his wife made sure they were in bed at a specific time and I liked that idea. I told myself that I had to do that when I have children. I also study psychology and I learned these things so I implemented the things that I have learned into parenting. I'm still learning, observing and reading a lot as a parent. I want nothing but to give my children the best and the healthy environment that they possibly can have and I prioritise these things. Sometimes it takes sacrificing a lot of things for example, I have not been to the movies since I got Maryam and I have not been out with friends during the night. I bought Coldplay's concert tickets but sold it to the very last minute and one of the reasons being not wanting to leave Maryam during the night. I haven't listened to Coldplay since because of the regret in me but I did it cause I wanted to (cue - tears) 

Anyway, I hope these tips from me may work for you and your child and probably something that you could try. Again, each of us are different and this may work or may not work for u as much as it did for me and Maryam. After all, we are all doing the very best that we can as parents regardless. 

X

Do You Believe?

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

If my blog was physical, I would probably be dusting it right now. I haven't opened it nor have I shared anything in here for so long until recently I found my drive to write. I posted on my Instagram a photo of Ikram and I and my baby bump and shared a bit of my pregnancy journey and how before the pregnancy, it was pressurizing that people kept asking if I'm pregnant. Little that I knew that the post was shared on Twitter first then later on sites like Ohbulan and then it grew like mushrooms. People were tagging me on beritapremium, and few other blogs. To be honest, I was a little upset that it was shared without my consent as I knew nothing about it. I was taken aback when I noticed that women started going over to my Instagram profile, following and sharing their experiences as well.

Despite feeling a little upset, I forgot all about it when I saw women sharing their stories and how they felt after reading that it gave them hope and they felt that they weren't alone. I was glad that with that little post, I got to reach out to these women and that this issue is finally talked about. 

What made me write about it if U ask me... 

When I was much younger, I knew people who were married for so long and tak dapat-dapat rezeki anak and some chose to just stay away from socializing around family, not attending family events, gatherings and so on. People talked about their situation, kahwin dah lama, tak dapat-dapat anak. When they do turn up to functions, orang tanya "Dah ada anak?" and then when they shut themselves out from family, orang duk tanya kenapa tak join, "Alaaa tak akan pasal questions macam tu pun nak jadikan alasan tak nak join family gatherings?" I dint understand back then. Me being the observant type, I just observed until I started studying Psychology which is what I'm currently majoring on. I understood better that we are all different, we all have different levels of sensitivity. Not everyone responds to situations similarly. Mungkin ada orang yang dah kahwin lama, tapi tak dapat anak but they feel content with their lives, dorang redha and ada orang pulak with the same situation, takes it differently, the opposite. Redha takes a lot of work and it depends on the individual. And feeling content? That's a whole other story too. 

Then, I got married and here's my story.... 

Old story, if you follow me on my Instagram, read my older posts on my blog, then U'd know how I got married and how fast it was. I'm the kind who doesn't jump into things without thinking thoroughly. I sometimes think waaay ahead which was sometimes bad but it came handy especially on deciding big things like marriage. I had just a few months, 9 months to be exact from the time Ikram and his parents came and dealt about everything with my mum, to bertunang and to our wedding day to prepare myself emotionally to be married. Looking back, I realized, I was concentrating on being married to Ikram and adapting to marriage and building our lives together but I left out the baby part. As we got married, I wanted to take things slow. I wanted to get to know my husband, enjoy our time together, pergi honeymoon, I even thought that I wanted to finish my studies first then think of babies, that was my plan but Allah knew better. After a few months, I started feeling like there was something missing, having a baby started to grow on me especially when people started asking questions. Ikram never pressured me on it though deep inside I knew he wanted a baby. We both love kids, I have my nephews and nieces whom I watched grow up in front of my eyes, I've been practicing on handling babies since I was 16 so I thought why am I even postponing? And so we started trying... 

Allah wanted to test our patience... 

As soon as we both started trying, of course we became hopeful but every time miss flow (period) came to pay me an unwanted visit, I was always disappointed but redha in the first month or two. I honestly don't know if I had been married off to someone who reacted the opposite of how my husband responded to me and the situation, mungkin lagi stress kot. Ikram was always there to offer hugs and kisses and told me that it was okay, that we could always try again and reminded me that Allah is always with Us. No one knew we were trying, even our family. I suppose they all thought we had it all planned, mungkin lepas I finish my degree or that was what I made them think it was, that was my excuse to everyone who asked. I'm the kind who doesn't show others what's bothering me and if I'm having problems unless I want to but most of the time, I keep them to myself especially when it comes to my marriage. Come on, semua orang ada masalah tapi selagi boleh handle, why tell others? It's my problem anyways. Plus, even if I did share, I dint want all that sympathy thrown at me and that "Dont worry, Allah has other plans for U, In shaa Allah dia akan kasi" the things that I could tell my own self, the things that yes, was true but things I already knew. I hated it. I prefer people not to worry about me cause most of the time, I can handle my own issues and this issue, I knew I would only need my husband and his encouragement and comfort. Months passed and still no positive sign on the pregnancy stick. I was starting to get irritated and losing hope tambah lagi, bila orang duk tanya "Dah pregnant?" and I was gaining some marriage weight too which I find completely normal but apparently fat means pregnant to others. Bila post gambar dekat social media, nampak macam berisi sikit, "are you pregnant?" questions started to get to me because honestly, we were trying so imagine putting a smile on my face and answering "belum lagi, just fat" padahal here I am on the other end, rasa macam nak campak phone tu while I reply that. Pergi kenduri jangan cakap lah, of course dapat typical questions. It was frustrating. When I got married not long after, two of my close friends from college too got married. One got married 2 days after I did, and the other one got married few months after and both of them were pregnant before me it's just that, when the first one got pregnant, I dint feel anything because I wasn't really thinking about babies and wasn't even trying but when my second friend, the one who got married months after we did, when she got pregnant, masa tu dah terasa because I was trying during that time. I was so happy for both of them but I was upset that it wasn't happening for me. Of course it isn't a competition, it was far from that but just because I was trying, that's why it hit me and then some friends started to make 'innocent' jokes about how im taking so long to get pregnant that I should this and I should that and laughed about it. I laughed at them too but inside, only God knew. I continued being me, trying to look and act all strong. I now understood way better why people get depressed over this. 

I started questioning what was wrong with me. I'm 21, according to science and most people, I'm young, I should be very fertile but I was challenged. My family never had a problem with conceiving so maybe it was just me I thought. There were days I'd cry to my husband, sometimes being the cry baby he is, he'd cry with me and we'd console each other. I know it was hard for him too. It was hard for both of Us because we realized each month that we wanted a baby even more and more. I remember the day my sister in law gave birth which was 3 months ago, when I held my newborn niece, Ailla, I ran up to my husband and cried my heart out but little that I knew I was actually already pregnant but I just dint know it yet. 

September. 

September came, that month I felt different. I just came back from my dream honeymoon with my husband that I had to also patiently wait for. Orang selalunya, most commonly lepas kahwin terus pergi honeymoon kan? We dint. We dint know where exactly to go. I know the easiest option would be going somewhere that had a beautiful beach just like anyone else but bila dah pakai tudung ni, bila imagine beach, air, panas, it wasn't really an ideal honeymoon spot for me. Then tiba-tiba, somewhere in March, MAS was having ticket promotions, my husband said "Jom, pergi London!" it was a trip with my sister in laws. Kakngah was already in UK studying her masters masa tu and Kak Lin, my elder sister in law planned to go there and travel to Spain. Ikram knew I've always wanted to go to Paris since I was 8 years old because of my sad story which I shall bore U with. When I was 8, my classmate, Afan whose father is a pilot told me that he was flying off to Paris and before that, I've always thought that Paris was some wonderland that dint exist so since then, I've always wanted to go. No ye, I dint go sebab of all the cliche reasons, most romantic city in the world or whatever but because of my 8year old reason and so Ikram planned that we'd follow them to UK and Spain and then we'd be off to our honeymoon just the two of us in Paris. Trust me I was so taken aback by his decision! It was a dream come true! So we bought our tickets in March and left in August. Another reason why patience pays off ;) 

ANYWAY, coming back to the story... September felt different. I think when we came back from our honeymoon, I got all sad from being back to facing reality and being all Monica from FRIENDS if U do watch FRIENDS then U could relate it. I felt like I dint have anything to look forward to and back to reminding myself of baby issues. I started reciting the Quran even more than I did before. At least each time after every waktu solat, I started to make doa even more and more precise every sujud, I started rubbing my tummy and reciting ayat kursi after each waktu solat and yes, there are a lot more doas and ayat Quran that U can hafal and practice each time after solat that U can ask people or google on too. I started doing more though just like before, to calm myself and assure myself, I always kept in mind that biar Allah kasi lambat asalkan it is for the better. Can U imagine wanting a baby then Allah kasi pinjam sekejap je? I cant imagine. It would kill me so let it take time, Allah knows when is the best time for both Ikram and I. End of the month came and I was late, I tried not to be so hopeful just like previous months, I told myself to wait sampai October. I waited and waited and the red flag dint come. Every time I was eager to run to the pharmacy to get myself a pregnancy stick, I had to remind myself to wait even longer to avoid disappointments. 

On the 29th of September, I really couldn't wait. I remember habis je class, on my way back home, I stopped by the pharmacy. I remember going to Guardian TTDI, imagine lah, dah lah anxious ni nak beli and balik and check tapi tiba-tiba ada my niece baru start kerja situ that greeted me. Damn, I thought! I dont want her to know I was getting a pregnancy test, what if it was negative and she'd ask me the next time we met, mesti she'd feel sorry for me (me being paranoid -__-), so what did I get? A johnsson&johnsson baby bath shower cream! Because it was the first thing I saw. I could've just gotten gum, ish! Anyway, I got out quick, went to the other pharmacy and bought myself two pregnancy sticks. One old school type and one digital and went home and peed it off! Ikram was getting ready to go to work, I did it all in the other room so he dint have to know I was taking tests and if it was negative, he wouldn't have to know anything. I couldnt imagine showing him my disappointment again and make him worry or whatever. And so, I peed on both, and both came out positive. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to cry but I was just stunned. I went to my room, showed Ikram and he was stunned too and asked "Apa tuu?" "what does that mean??" I told him I was pregnant, well according to the stick I was. We hugged and I made him cry. I couldnt cry, I was just in shocked still. He left for work. I did my zohur, sujud syukur, all praises to Allah. Alhamdulillah, it finally happened. We went for a check up, we got to see our little soybean on the ultrasound, it was surreal. I found out that I was already 6 weeks pregnant by then. MashAllah, with excitement came feeling scared too, cause the early stage is always fragile. I dint wanna lose it but Alhamdulillah, now I'm in my second trimester, 4th month this month. Baby's healthy according to my doctor. I'm counting days to the 30th which is next Wednesday now for our next check up. We should already know what's the gender by then and I cant wait to know so we could start shopping for stuff, well bit by bit of course. 

I know our test was just 6 months from the the day we started trying, memang tak sama dengan ujian orang lain yang dah bertahun-tahun kahwin. I read all the comments that was shared on my Instagram, a bit from Ohbulan readers too. Ours was nothing compared to others. It was heartbreaking to read. Ada yang kena tanya "tak pandai buat ke?" Astaghfirullah. Not the first time I heard about this honestly. It was interesting reading the comments on these sites that shared my story. Ada yang rasa macam ni pun nak kecoh?, ada yang rasa issue ni tak lah severe and kita tak boleh tutup mulut orang untuk bertanya soalan-soalan ni yang biasa. Betul, I can agree to that. Kita tak boleh tutup mulut orang yang tanya insensitive questions just to make a conversation with us, who can? but my whole point in sharing this was because, I want it to be talked about because no one should feel like they're alone in this. Feel free to go over to my Instagram, read the comments that these women shared, bukan satu, bukan dua, ramai yang share even on the other sites that shared my story. Read the comments. It's so common to be going through all this and it isn't rare so before you say, biasa lah, know that U probably did not have to go through the same thing as others had to. Maybe things were easy for U that U dint have to go through it. Offer hope to others not sympathy, offer positive encouragement, be a true friend, a partner or whatever you are to someone. 

For the man who we call a Husband....

When your wife is going through hard times like these, know that she needs U more than anyone else. Know that Ur support means so much to her and know that every time she fails, she feels disappointed in disappointing U too. Siapa lagi nak faham kalau bukan suami kan? Kalau isteri rasa insecure, make her feel secured, know that it takes a team to make it work. Times like these, U are all that she needs so be there for her, sama-sama dekatkan diri dengan Allah. Keep her in all Ur doas, in every sujud. Ur wife is also amanah from Allah, so it is Ur job to be there through susah senang, to be a 'functioning' husband.

I cant imagine if my husband was very negative towards me and the situation, I could have been in depression lagi-lagi since I am not the kind who shares much with others. My husband was the one who kept me sane and who reminded me of Allah constantly which gave me hope every time and I guess our experience made Us both grow even closer than ever to each other. Tests are not supposed to make U grow further apart, they're supposed to make U even stronger together as a team, as husband and wife. 

Allah has planned everything for everyone perfectly...

Do you believe that Allah has planned everything accordingly for U? Tailor made. I learned that, Allah has given Us the capacity of patience in Us yang sesuai dengan 'package' yang dia kasi kita. In other words, dugaan. Yes, we have the amount of patience to deal with each test Allah kasi because Allah will never burden Us with things we cannot handle. 

Do you believe that, if Allah doesn't give U want U want now in this life, he will grant Ur doa in Jannah? Makes me think, dunia ni sementara, syurga tu selamanya so which one do we want? To have it as a pinjaman sementara or to have it forever?

What's the key for all this? 'Sabar' , yes Patience. Ganjaran sabar tu, Allah akan redeem setimpal or even more with the patience we give. 

Do you believe that if in this life dia tak kasi kita apa yang kita nak, dia kasi kita rezeki yang lain? We just have to count our blessings even for the things we don't have. 

For those who are still waiting, 

Trust me... I have seen orang yang tunggu 10 tahun nak ada anak, and suddenly gets one. It's either cepat atau lambat. Rezeki kita semua lain-lain. When I think back, I'm glad I was tested to wait for my rezeki untuk dapatkan anak. I had the chance to spend all my time with my husband for the past year, I got the chance to get to know him, learned more about myself, strengthen our marriage,got the chance to fill up some ilmu in me, got the chance to go on my dream honeymoon, got myself even more closer to Allah. Anak ni amanah Allah, bukan senang nak bring up another human being, to care for someone other than Urself. Nak ada anak kena ada ilmu, U have to be prepared, U have to want it badly too so that U know U would take good care of amanah Allah because U know it wasn't easy to get it, so U wouldn't take it for granted. I spent my time observing and still am observing now, what's good parenting and what is not. Thank god for majoring in Psychology, I learned more about it too. Raising a child isn't easy, my lecturer once said "Some people are not fit to become parents" and I dont want to be one of them. So bila Allah test us with our patience, kasi kita time frame, gunakanlah that time to be prepared, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, in all ways, whether it's for a baby, kahwin or whatever else. To be strong, to have faith, to have hope is with ilmu. Ultimately, know Ur creator, know Allah. 

And for those who shared their story, yang mungkin juga kahwin awal like I did who said that ada yang tak kasi ada anak, tunggu sampai habis belajar. Well, I had people who told me the same too. I never really took it seriously. Lantak lah apa orang nak cakap. It's no longer up to them cause U only please Ur husband and of course Allah. Like they quoted me "Bila Allah nak kasi, dia kasi lah" exactly that. Allah decides for U not them. As for rezeki, percaya tak kalau Allah kasi rezeki anak, dia akan kasi kita rezeki lebih lagi? Just like kahwin, ada rezeki kahwin. How does it work? How does it happen? It is by believing that He will and make plenty of doa, get Urself closer to Him. Allah says "Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards U. Walk towards me, I will run towards U." That always makes me emotional, it's my favorite.

Sometimes Allah can surprise U in ways U dont even expect. Trust me, In shaa Allah. 

As for me, I'm still learning every step, I can say I'm never in my comfortable zone, I'm always cautious but I'm going with the flow and enjoying my pregnancy journey. Though I've passed the fragile fetus period but U just never know so I'm always praying to Allah so that he protects both my baby and I. Dia lah sebaik-baik pelindung. I hope you will pray for me too as I will pray for you especially those who left comments and mintak doa, I will definitely and I hope those who also reads the comments, will make doa for them too. Kita sama-sama doakan for everyone. For those who shared Ur stories with me, I thank you and as cheesy as this may sound, know U're not alone because somewhere there's someone who is going through the same thing as U are. Most importantly, don't lose hope in Allah. Tests is supposed to make U even closer to Him and when He finally grants U Ur doa, never forget Him, grow even much more closer to Him. That's also a reminder to myself. 

I'm sending all the women my love, doa and warm hugs, may Allah bring Us closer to Him, In shaa Allah, Ameen. 

What is written for you will always be destined for you...

We usually mourn of lost. Losing someone, goodbyes, people leaving or even if it was you who was the one who had to close the door. It doesn't really matter who, just someone who was once so close to you, who was a part of your life, someone who meant a lot to you. It doesn't specifically have to be a lover, it could even be a friend. The only constant thing in life is change. Everything changes. Sometimes it rains, sometimes in shines and sometimes it's gloomy. At a certain part of our lives, we deal with losing people we love and its coping with the change that's challenging or maybe it isn't so challenging? Or at least we think it isn't.

As for me, I'm the kind who mourns over lost, over people leaving and I'm never good at goodbyes even if it was one of those 'see you next month' goodbyes. My cousin lives in Singapore, as you all may already know, Kak Fazreen. We've been the closest since we were small. As much as I love it when she's here, I cry every time (well, most of the time. Sometimes, I just keep it all inside. konon kuat) when she goes back. Even now that I'm married, I still hate saying goodbye every time she leaves. I'm the emotionally attached kinda gal. I can't help it. 

I'd instantly feel those chest pains, like it really just hurts right there in your chest, just as I digest that someone left or in a situation that is over. But here's the thing I have also been in a situation where I lost someone who was so meaningful in my life but as major as he was in my life, when things ended, it dint hit me so hard as I thought it would. I felt sad but not to the extend I thought I would feel when someone who I was so used in having everyday for years, stepped out of my life. I knew I put a stop to it, I knew I gave it my all, I knew I tried so hard to make things work. I guess you just don't mourn when you know you're tired and exhausted and when you know saying goodbye was the best solution.

Here's the twist, it wasn't really over. It was just pending to be felt....

Note that, before you read... bear in mind that this should be taken as an example, a teladan. I'm happy if we could all learn from each other's experience or if you could read this and this fits your shoe as well then we're in the same boat and we could relate to each other. 

As you may all know, I'm now happily married to such a loving husband that I'm very thankful to have and if you ask me, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I'm just right where I want to be but as happy as I am, as content as I am sometimes ghosts in your past will come haunt U. It's just how strong you are to really stand without letting it get to you and make you fall. 

We all have our pasts, we all have people who we used to love, who was in your life who you thought was the one but Allah knows best and sometimes the ending could really surprise you. As they say, life is filled with surprises. 

Few years ago, before I was engaged then married, I was very much involved with another person who I thought was the one. We were together for about 3 years. I guess it was with him that made me think of marriage and really sorting out what I wanted with my future. We tried so hard to make things work, it took a lot of work, time,effort and not to forget, a lot of tears but in the end, it never really worked. It just couldn't work. It was family issues, and just a lot of other issues that couldn't make us progress into another level and so as I grew tired and felt like this was taking too much time and the future seemed so blurry and I decided to walkaway from something I knew, for the very first time, I built with such hard work. As I left, it wasn't easy but I was okay. I dint feel as much as I probably should and though I was confused with these feelings that I did not show up. I was happy that it dint destroy me as I thought it would. I guess, I'd have to thank my distractions.  

As soon as I left things, and stopped trying to push everything to work. I finally surrendered and let Allah lead me and I guess, I was led. I was led to my husband. It dint take much effort, it dint take much time, it was just smooth sailing and everything that was so hard, became so easy. I shouldn't really ramble on that area so much, cause I went on and on on how easy it was on my post on my engagement and the part when I got married . I mean, i love my husband and I think he knows that I think he's super awesome!

Few months ago, I bumped into him with a friend of mine when I was back in TTDI. Unfortunately we live in the same neighborhood! It was impossible not to see each other's cars on the road or bump into our regular mamak place. He told me that he was getting engaged. It was also an arranged one, well except it was very arranged for him by his ustaz. They only met a few times and both families agreed to have them wed. When I heard, in full honesty, I was thrilled. I was so happy for him. I really dint feel anything. I guess I was just so over him. Until, recently my family had an intimate kenduri kesyukuran over at my family's place and my neighbor who also a friend of his' attended and we got the chance to catch up for a bit. He told me that, that guy was getting married tomorrow which was yesterday. I kinda stumbled in my words after, i felt that kick cause I guess it was real but I was still in my 'Okay' phase and then yesterday came. Of course I had his family members on my facebook, so of course pictures were on my timeline. 

There, it was real. It happened. Both of us moved on, and both married in a way where we dint really had to try hard, work hard. I mean, imagine working and forcing something to happen and it dint but with another person, it dint take much effort but it worked. Begitu besarnya kuasa Allah sebenarnya. I've heard of these stories many times, but I took them as just stories until kena batang hidung sendiri. I was that girl and he was that guy yang bercinta bertahun-tahun but in the end got married to someone else. 

What I meant by that 'kick' wasn't that feeling where I wanted to go back in time, and change things or those severe chest pains and heartaches. If you ask me, things worked out for the best. I wouldn't change anything at all. I wouldn't change who my husband is because it's all in place and its perfect, my kind of perfect. I knew it was normal to feel what I felt, that kick. I'm just human and an emotional, no VERY emotional one. Sometimes, things take its time to digest but in the end, I say feel what you feel and then let it go. Because sometimes things demand to be felt. Just let it out of your system. Its part of being human. I talked to friends about this and Im grateful for them. I just wanted to be understood and not misunderstood for any of my feelings. They tell me its normal to feel what I felt and I guess it is. 

All this, taught me a lot about life. I used to complain so much, I question why do I have to go through all this at an early age? I'm going through probably a 30 year old's problem! But as Mak Jah from Keluarga Iskandar said "Allah dah set from the top" (I hate malay dramas, but keluarga Iskandar, is my favorite!) I wouldn't be who I am today if I dint go through pain, and experience. Semuanya ada hikmah. I understand better now, that if you surrender to Allah, and just stop trying to stir you boat in your terms and put it in Allah's, things will turn out beautifully, In shaa Allah. If something is meant for you, it will always be for you. You just have to believe and sometimes, stop being a control freak trying to control everything because it's Allah who determines for you, not you. 

PS: as for friends, if your friend comes up to you for a shoulder to cry on, and a place to just say things she wont mean about a situation, just try to understand, be a good friend and layankan je their feelings. Don't go all, "dah lah, let it go. doakan terbaik" and bla bla bla. LAYANKAN JE. Trust me, its just a short phase BUT if it turns it into a not so short phase, then take out ur weapons! ;p Be good friends to listen, and try to understand even if you dont and take their experience and learn something out of it. It might benefit you too one day, who knows? 

Pillow Talk Part 2 : Vow to Forever

Here's to Forever : 

Mohammad Zulikram & Farah Farisya Syamin

It has already been a week and 5 days since I've gotten married and it has been colourfully great. A lot has changed. New life, brand new days, new responsibilities and I'm probably still in my honeymoon where everything looks and feels great and I'm praying hard to be this happy till the end, In shaa Allah. 

I remember my last single gal week before the wedding. I was terrified yet excited. Truth be told, I was cold feet every time 'Forever' hit me. I needed a little more convincing and I was told that it is normal to feel that way. You see, being engaged was not all that fun for me. I understood what everyone was advising me that I did not understand then. Being engaged was hard, well at least for me. Orang kata 'darah manis' whatever that means. Syaitan will always want to pull you away from the initial niat. I've always thought that marriage was beautiful and all the other good things that marriage had to offer before I got engaged but going through the engagement sometimes led me astray from what I felt towards it before. Syaitan. It took a lot of doa, trust me A LOT. I remember I had a conversation with my cousin when we were driving around spending time. She asked me "Do you think Ikram is the one?" and I took a second to really think about it. Sometimes it takes the right questions to pop out some real thinking. I never was really madly in love, I never really was so sure. I was always convincing myself time after time but then again, with all the dugaan that came, I never wanted to bail out, I never wanted to reject and because of that, I knew Ikram was the one for me. I knew I was going to be okay, In shaa Allah. Days went by so quickly, till the big day came... 

12/12/2014, No, we were not one of those couples who looks for pretty dates, it was all coincidental. Woke up that morning, still trying to digest everything and what was going to happen in a few hours. I was so thankful I had my cousin with me who was also my Maid of honour. She was there the whole time for me. I can't thank her enough. Trust me, if you are getting married, picking the right maid of honour or whoever you want to call her, your second hand, or whatever you call it is pretty crucial. Getting married is a huge deal. Tons of feelings rushing through you and you just need someone to just really be present with you and be there for you the whole way through and my cousin did just that, perfectly! My nikah was scheduled at 5pm at Masjid Al Ghufran, TTDI nearby my place. I remember right after my solat Asar, I went down, got into my car with my sister, Kak Jihan, my cousin, Kak Fazreen and Abang Iqmal who drove us to the Masjid. As we reached to the masjid, first thing I saw was Ikram's car and saw his sisters outside the masjid and I felt like I was about to lose myself. I couldn't feel myself. Things just got real then and there. 'This is it', I thought. My whole life is about to change in a few minutes. It was time to enter, I walked out of the car and as I wanted to step into the masjid, my nerves really kicked in. I needed a second before I made my next step. My sister held my hand and asked me to zikir all the way. We got in, I sat on the cushion that was placed for me. I sat down, I had my mum next to me, my sisters, my family, my friends all there with me. I held my cousin, Kak Fazreen's hand all the way through. And so it was time. I gotta say, I really like my qadhi, Ustaz Syahid, the Imam of  the masjid. He was young so, he made it all easy. I love how he explained things before we started. My nikah was after Asar, and both me and Ikram knew there was no solat sunat after during waktu Asar. I was worried that my aunties were gonna bug me with questions like "Kenapa dia tak solat Asar" and all but Ustaz Syahid explained it through so Pheww! Nikah is super easy but sekarang, some of the qadhi makes it pretty complicated. Kena genggam tangan (pengantin lelaki & Wali) or the lafaz has to have this and that, tak boleh miss out some words but it isn't like that at all. Ustaz Syahid made it really easy and yes, breezy sampai my husband thought it was just a rehearsal when it was actually the real thing. Tak sempat nak rasa that extra nerves kicking! All I knew, it was over in minutes! 

Dengan sekali lafaz, I was already his wife. A title 'Puan' was stamped on my forehead. It was pretty surreal. 

He's probably the best, most realistic decision I have ever made in my life. 

 Here's one with the best Maid of Honour a bride could ever have! 

Here's the thing I want to share. Probably a few weeks before I got married, I prayed during my sujud that as my husband made that lafaz nikah, I prayed Allah will fill my heart with 'mawaddah' that strong love from Him towards my husband and Alhamdulillah as my husband made that lafaz, that instant love I had for him was probably indescribable. I felt so happy only Allah knew. It felt different something I cannot describe. After lafaz taklik and etc, he came to me for the 'batal air sembahyang' ritual. I still remember vividly, he came over to me and I had this huge smile and I said "Assalamualaikum" and we both giggled because on his whatsapp status he wrote "You had me at Assalamualaikum" since 287 days and 20 hours ago (pardon me, I just checked my whatsapp for that!) and the rest was history...

I love him so much in a way I never thought I could ever love somebody and I consider myself so lucky everyday when I wake up every morning. I am so thankful to Allah that He led me to this wonderful man who has been doing such a great job in taking care of me. I'm not going to lie, it isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Marriage is beautiful but it's so much to it. It's a huge responsibility and it is a lot of sacrifice. I have never been away from my family. As you all may know, I am the youngest out of 4 siblings. I never liked being away from my Mum. Though sometimes home gets tough and rough, it's still home. Now that I'm married, I moved in with my husband and it is just us for now. I miss home everyday, but I wouldn't trade anywhere else to be than here with my husband. I've never left my home for 20 years of my life till now. I never left TTDI, ever and now I'm an hour away. Every day is a new experience. To know I've got someone to take care of and best part is, I love taking care and being taken care of. I now have someone to lean on. I love how someone waits for me to pray with him (come on, dream come true!) I learn new responsibilities that before maybe I couldn't even care less. To clean, to cook. My first day of cooking for my husband and it turned out to be a little salty and yet my husband said it was good and still says thank you and he appreciates it. He gives me kisses and hugs whenever he sees the little things I do that keeps me going. It's great to have someone appreciate things that you do and I am grateful to have him. 

This experience have been wonderful so far and I really hope no matter how crazy and tough it is going to be, Allah will make it easy to go through rainy days and that Allah will jaga my marriage for me. My friends semua tanya "Best tak kahwin?" and here I am going to answer everyone "Best gilaaaaa!" 

About my reception, 

We held it at Duchess Place, Jalan Ampang. A lovely place! I wouldn't have it anywhere else. The place was so me! The reception was shared with my brother who got married earlier in October so to celebrate the last 2 of the family who got married, my mum celebrated both of us sekali. My wedding pictures got pretty viral on Instagram as I was told. Guess it was my photographers that took amazing photos that made us look great! I'm so glad I picked the team to make the wedding happen. My photographer was Raihan Talib and gosh Abang Rai did such a great job on the photos alongside Abang Azizi as his partner. Pictures turned out AMAZING that we couldn't resist not hiring him for Ikram's side of the wedding soon! 

 I love my dreamy dress. Vivien from Emma Weddings made it come true for me. Here's some tips for those who are getting married soon. Know what you want. Planning your wedding is going to be crazily hectic. A lot of people are going to give you a lot of suggestions but at the end of the day, its YOUR day. You should know how you to want to look and feel. If it doesn't make it feel you, you have the right to say something. Make sure by the end of the day, you feel satisfied cause lets face it, everything is money so spend it wisely and spend it on something that is worth it and its once in a lifetime experience. I love how my tailor makes me feel 'Me' and she is probably the best, honestly. She tailor makes to perfection.  (PS: Use time to decide on who to hire, where to have your wedding at wisely. Budget is seriously important. You can always find something nice that wont cost fortunes, trust me)

So there you go, a little something to share of my 'Happily Ever After'. Thank you for all the overwhelming doas. Thank you for leaving such sweet comments on Instagram, on Facebook. I'm glad if this story of ours inspires some of you. Thank you for sending emails too! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and sharing how happy you are for us. Please doakan for the best for both my husband and I and we pray the same for everyone. May Allah shower us all with Love, Rahmat&Barakah, In shaa Allah, Ameen. 

Pillow Talk : The Surprise Engagement

The Engagement of Farah Farisya&Zulikram :

Allah works in Mysterious Ways.

            I wasn’t too sure if I should or I shouldn’t share this journey of mine but I think it’s worth telling, well at least to me it is. It has been awhile since I actually wrote on my blog. I’ve been nestling in my own world, figuring my things out. I recently got engaged, it was a surprise to most that I actually received texts, people asking what happened, apa jadi? Kenapa? How? Even from the most random people, ( I thought my phone number was only for those who were interested in my cakes and not for asking personal questions, but oh well).

            My fiancé and I, got to know each other about a year ago, 18^th of June 2013. Sweet sangat la kan untuk remember the date, it’s because he print screened our 1^st conversation and a lot more (he might be insensitive sometimes but he’s such a sentimental person that I've come to discover) that now I’ve been keeping in my phone as a sentimental value of mine. Maybe one day, it’ll be my version of ‘How I met your Father’ Lol. He’s a best friend of my nephew's, I don’t know how my name came up in their conversation one day and he found me on instagram and used my cheesecake to get to me -___- (eyy) My weakness with him was when I met his family about a year ago. I was welcomed with such warmth, something I’ve always had in my doa and the very first time when we went over to my friend’s house, he became the Imam to us, so I knew he had agama. I wanted a family who makes me feel welcomed& warm and that was exactly how it was when I first met them. It was decent, it wasn't over the top, it was just normal, pleasant & just welcomed and feeling warm, exactly what I’ve always wanted and expected. But things dint work out, I’ve already had things on my plate, I wasn’t ready for anything maybe Allah belum bukakan hati lagi. Hati ni Allah yang punya, He decides what to put in and to whom it should open to. One thing about him, Ikram, he never gave up. He waited. Talk about not giving him even a slight chance, blocked him everywhere, un-friended him from Facebook, blocked on Instagram, blocked calls, blocked on whatsapp. Whenever he had the chance to talk to me, he’d tell me, “I’m so sure I’m going to marry you. I doa everyday” Creepy then, I swear but I was kinda awed by him being so sure, so determined. I met other people, some men give up so easily when things get rough, when we don’t reach them, they don’t find U, they wait for U to find them but that wasn’t Ikram. He knew what he wanted from the very beginning. His intentions were clear. I really love going to Islamic Events, I received mysterious free tickets out of absolutely no where! From Twins of Faith to Mufti Menk’s talk in KL, all free tickets. Siti, a really good friend of mine would out of the blue say “Farisya, I dapat free tickets for this event, jom pergi!” I’ve always wondered who, but when everything was settled, I found out it was all from Ikram cause he knew I love going to these events and of course Siti jadi orang tengah (thanks for keeping secrets from me, Adabiyah -___-)

            Months later, earlier this year, Momma came back from Kelantan from a cousin’s engagement. She asked about Ikram. I found out Ikram texted Momma while she was there and Momma fell for it (in a good way that is) and so I said “Ma, if U like him, mama arrange kan lah. Adik tak nak ambik tahu. Adik ikut je” I never thought Momma would take it seriously but she did! Text after text between Momma and Ikram, Momma finally told Ikram that if he was serious about me, bring his parents to come meet mine and of course, Ikram did. I don’t know how, macam mana but it just happened after that. It was easy. What surprised me was Bah. My dad, he’s the old school kinda guy, probably how most fathers are like too. I’m 20, education first, work on my degree, marriage later. Few came over to ask for my hand in marriage, trust me kena tolak kaw-kaw but it wasn’t like that this time. He was so approving of it. I was in a state of shock, I still dint understand how it was happening, macam mana? Macam mana boleh jadi macam ni. For those who know Bah, they’d totally understand what I’m exactly saying. I was also expecting some objection from my side of the family with the decision my parents are making but no, no one objected, in fact everyone was happy (mungkin semua nak get rid of me? Pfft ;p) Ikram’s family came in March, settled on having the engagement in June. Crazy how things happened so fast and so smooth that exaggerated or not, I felt like I was floating and I let things past by me, beyond my usual control (sometimes I could be a slightly control freak).

            It wasn’t easy for me to settle in, it took me awhile and a lot of Istikharah. I remember going to Twins of Faith last year, and before I went, I was actually wondering how Istikharah really works. Is there a time frame? Should I wait for a mimpi for an answer? All that, that made me confused. Allah answered me, I went to TOF, and there was a workshop called “Get Married or Die Fasting”. I was taken back on how many youths were there, teenagers, people around my age. Mungkin selalunya kita tengok perempuan yang asyik sibuk about these things, but no. The guys were there too, asking questions. Semua keluar, semua asyik cakap “I wanna get married. I think it’s so beautiful. I don’t wanna stay in sin.” I was one of them too. In the workshop, this really awesome Sheikh Alaa Elsayed (gosh, I fell in love with his lectures, he was really really good). I remember him saying “We Muslims, do not just simply get married out of love. It is not Mahabbah (love) for us Muslims. Marriage is about Mawaddah and Rahmah where Mawaddah is something higher than Mahabbah (love) and it comes from women and Rahmah is mercy which comes from men.” He blew me away, really and I’m so sure I wasn’t the only one. He explained about Istikharah and how it works. He said, Istikharah does not have a time frame to it, it isn’t a week or a month it is supposed to be done until U are sure and certain and that comes from Ur heart. Allah yang gerakkan hati. We ask, we will get the answer, In shaa Allah. Gerak hati ni sangat powerful especially when Ur nawaitu is Lillahita’ala. Allah will definitely help. When U seek for Him, He comes running to answer U. U just need to believe. MashaAllah, it’s incredible how it works, really. And so I did that, and I wasn’t in love, it felt different. I wasn’t into Ikram, I probably picked fights and became this really tough cookie, made it hard for him but I don’t know why, I never said I don’t wanna do this and declined the proposal. I became tough on him, ada je salah dia. Ada je tak kena. I get annoyed so fast even for the silliest things but Ikram just stood still and he was so patient that I always questioned Why? If it was lelaki lain, they’d probably walk off already but not him which surprised me. I probably had trouble with my fiancé, making him understand and just expecting knowing what to do because most of the time, he was clueless. He dint know how to handle situations but the best thing about him for now (I hope he stays this way) is that he listens and he improvises. When I tell him the things that I don’t like, he just sits and listens and never points back at me though I gave him many reasons for him to. I started opening up. Momma kept saying “Perasaan ni semua nafsu, the enjoyment of a relationship before marriage is all nafsu.” “If adik tak happy, Momma doa. Allah will ease Ur heart for him kalau dia lah terbaik for U, In shaa Allah” and so I guess she did, cause I started opening up as Ikram started to grow and improve. He made me want to improve as well and get myself all prepared. It made me still on the decision they were making for me because it made my parents happy knowing anak dia dengar cakap both of them. I may not have been a perfect daughter to them but knowing I’m doing something right, something that eases their hearts, bring pleasure to them made me just let it all happen and I knew, tak akan Momma&Bah would want to choose wrongly untuk their daughter. As days went by, of course I did research on my own about Ikram who was soon to be my fiancé then. I asked around (yes, if u’re reading this, I did) and all the feed backs I got were all good. I knew he had agama, and a good family background and responsible too. I was taken back one time when I saw him taking care of my nephew, Owais who is 3 months old whenever he’s over at my house with my family and how he loves Harris and Hanna. More importantly, I know he is really responsible towards his mum and that his parents and sisters mean a lot to him. I once heard a lecture on how to pick the right husband. Pick a man who takes care of his family, his mum especially and see how he treats his sisters cause that is how he will treat U. New tip, girls! Make sure U look out for these details when Ur looking for a husband. See if he loves learning about the Deen too. If a man cries over stories of Rasulullah saw, he’s a keeper to me and yes, dear fiancé, U fit the bill. I was also so happy to see that his family and mine connected so well. Momma has always wanted to berbesan with a family that can go well with us and Ikram’s family is such a pleasure to have. I know things can grow even better, In shaa Allah and thrilled that they all fit in so well. To me, family has been so important, I’ve had my share of bad experience so I’ve always doa, and Allah bagi at the right time. I was so happy! I mean, when U get married, main part is silaturrahim, U expand Ur family and to have a good relationship with each other is such a bonus. I would wanna be happy to spend time with my in laws, I could talk to my sister in laws and that it would be a pleasure every time my husband wants to go back to his family’s house rather than feeling tak nak cause some tension between us all but this, what I have now, even the start is better than what I have imagined. Like I said, the relationship isn’t over the top, but it progresses so beautifully each time, Alhamdulillah. I feel like myself when I’m around them and that’s a rezeki for me and they’re so lovely, Alhamdulillah.

            June came, 14^th of June to be exact everything&everyone was ready for my engagement. Mula-mula, tak nervous, relax-relax dulu, tak rasa apa. My engagement was after maghrib, and when my sister, Kak Jihan came in my room to assist me down, gosh! That’s when I couldn’t feel anything. Knees were weak and the rest was history. It went so well, it was like a reunion. My family and his, they were connected in some way, which most of them knew each other (small world!). Bah’s from Pahang, and his parents are too so as it turned out, some of them were long lost friends back in their days. It was so overwhelming, Alhamdulillah. Best part was, I had most of the important people in my life with me on that small step/special day of mine and so I thank family&friends who came daripada jauh just to witness that day with me. I started introducing people to Ikram (yes, he was there after it was all over) I introduced him as my fiancé, my tunang, it was too awkward at first and I’d giggle every time I introduced him cause bayangkan lah, I never introduced him as anything, he was not my boyfriend he was just Ikram and suddenly, hey! He’s my fiancé!

I felt like it was over within a split second and best part was everything was so casual and relaxed too! 

Probably my favorite picture of his mum&I 

P.S: Thanks, Rafiq for the amazing photos U took. 

            The guy known as the one who is so annoying, who doesn’t take no for an answer, who just doesn’t know when to stop is now my fiancé. Crazy how it works, kerja Allah. It all concludes to hati ni milik Allah. Now that guy who is annoying, I kinda miss when he’s working and on long hour flights. Allah yang boleh tukar how we feel but of course for now, everything has its limits to how we feel for things. There should be a distance cause when the time comes, then the distance closes and then ke langit biru pun both of us can go. May Allah protect us and keep our relationship clean&right. This is the perfect example for me, sometimes we plan but Allah plans it differently and better of course and just beautiful. It’s overwhelming to see all of this progressing. We’re not even waiting too long too, the engagement is only for 6 months. Imagine lah, 6 months! Now, everything is in progress for a wedding in December, In shaa Allah. They say I’d never get a nice hall in such short notice cause usually people book a year before but Alhamdulillah, I found a place better than I imagined with such a good deal. Things are progressing smoothly though I admit, it’s pretty stressful especially juggling with studies and also preparing tapi all is going fine. I’ve got so much help from the people around me that makes it all easy that makes it not such a heavy burden that I still have time and of course to prioritize my studies first and in between do my preparations. Not saying this is an all smooth sailing boat ride, it has its bumps but I’m too certain that Allah will help, In shaa Allah because we’re doing something beautiful and everything is because of Him and for Him.

            The girl who envied these young girls who got married while they were studying who ended up elok je, berkat je is finally getting married at 20, In shaa Allah. The girl yang asyik doa siang malam with a list of how she wants her future husband to be, dapat apa yang dia asyik doa pada Allah. I can’t thank Momma enough, berkat doa dia mungkin, berkat dia yang pilih. Because, redha Ibu, redha Allah. Nothing’s perfect but I’m too thankful for whatever that’s happening to me right now, for all that I have been given and maybe, just maybe I might have done something right. For every flaw and bump, makes me realize, this is just dunia which makes it real and not make believe. May Allah ease my journey&Berkatkan my perjalanan because Ya Allah, I’m so thankful, Alhamdulillah.

            Thanks to those who have doa and wished for me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, May Allah bless everyone. 

Thanks Dena for capturing this, this picture's so priceless just cause maybe Bah hugged me that way. Felt like I was 6 again. We had a small celebration for Bah's 78th birthday too since his birthday was on the 6th of June. 

and of course all of them,Us. Finally a family picture of all of us. Thanks kakak-kakak&abang for just EVERYTHING! *though I wish Bah smiled -__-*

Just cause

Because indeed, nobody has the right to bring your day down. Revive positivity always! 

X

Behind The Scenes Of A Miraculous Irony

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

I have shared in an older post which I mentioned that I bake and that I am running a small humble cake business at home. Alhamdulillah, it has almost been a year of being in this very miraculous irony. From a gal from small who NEVER EVER did fancy cakes and she is now baking and creating a business out of it? Really? Allah indeed creates magic! I wasn't or still not a fan of cakes cause I did not like the texture of cakes and how spongy it feels in my mouth, regardless of how moist it can be. What are birthdays without cakes? Every year on my birthday, yes I insist on having a birthday cake on the table just because it is a tradition. Like I mentioned, what are birthdays without cakes kaaan? It completes a birthday photograph, I'm a girl and allowed to be vain of course hehe but the cakes were always for the rest but never for me. Anyway, in short... I was never a fan of cakes.

A year ago, as many of you know, I hijrah-ed and that was one of the biggest gift from The Almighty (Alhamdulillah) and after a few months, after getting a few things straight and adjusting to my 'new' everyday life He presented me with a gift. It started from a thought, a tiba-tiba wanting to try to bake and then He gave me the ability to. I still remember the first cake I baked, it was vanilla and chocolate muffins. I remember an old friend of Momma's who baked incredible vanilla chocolate chip muffins and they were amazing! They were moist and very vanilla-ish, it wasn't spongy, it was PERFECT! I called her for the recipe and she was kind enough to share and so I went the shop to get my ingredients and I baked and everybody at home started liking them and that inspired me to do more. 

 First attempt on chocolate chip muffin :B

First attempt on vanilla chocolate chip muffin

My 1st Exposure

I was baking my first attempt on chocolate cake one day at home and everybody seemed to like the outcome of it. I was so happy that it was moist and it was perfect in sense of taste, in sense of how it physically looked, well... tak cun of course haha ANYWAY! KakFa, my eldest sister was teaching in Sri Cempaka Private School last year and she brought some of my chocolate cake to school and gave some to the teachers and her students annnnndddd they loved it! I started taking orders and Alhamdulillah, I received a lot of them too. From Chocolate Cake to Red Velvet Cake those were the first two cakes I learned how to bake. 

I remember how my first order from a school teacher from kakak's school. She ordered chocolate moist walnut cake and so I baked it BUT there were complications with the oven. Not so much of complications but I was such a noob back then and the oven wasn't something I knew how to handle. As I put my cake in the oven, I waited for about 30 minutes for it to set and rise so as I thought it was ready, I pulled it out and I noticed it was senget! It did not rise evenly and I baked a night before the delivery that my sister was supposed to take it to school the next day in the morning for the teacher. I was exhausted and me being me, sangatlah gelabah. I wanted to cry. Momma said it looked okay but Kakak said it did not look okay, I should reduce the price and Momma said its okay, its not that obvious so I shouldn't reduce the price. I was pretty bewildered and I was about to flip! So I ended up reducing the price. It was pretty hectic. I am a cepat gelabah girl, so impatient and baking needs U to be patient and ur patience is so well tested. I get really upset when my cake is not how I pictured it to be but it ended up okay. The teacher loved it. 

It looked like this 

My first cake out, Chocolate Walnut 

And then there was the Red Velvet! I made cupcakes out of them 

I loved how my cream cheese had that lemony spike to it but cheesy and creamy as well. 

My attempt on my Red Velvet did not manage to beat the taste of my chocolate cake as the cream cheese overwhelmed the taste of the red velvet itself. I lessen an ingredient to my red velvet that did not give it that umph to the taste and the cream cheese gave more of an impact and that the cake itself did not compliment the taste of the cream cheese. After awhile, I started making some changes and adjusting flavors and ingredients and Viola! It tasted good, Alhamdulillah. 

First Bazaar

Later in June, my niece who owned an online boutique selling muslimah fashion attires (Awesome shawls. I love everything that she's selling) Check out Aroush ! Anyway, she was joining a bazaar held in one of the mosques in Ampang and I asked if I could maybe join her booth and she said OK! So, it started from there where my exposure got wider. The outcome of the bazaar was very very overwhelming to me. Probably my cakes were not ALL sold out but I made profit out of it. I remember how that satisfactory feeling that I felt. Not only that I earned my own money with something that I was able to do and out of all of the possibilities, it was cake that I was able to make and more importantly, I knew this was a start of something great. It was great that I had all the help&support from my loved ones too. My mum, my siblings, my family and even my special man. Imran was there from start of the event till the end helping me out through the haste and the hot blazing weather, forever grateful I will be. The most overwhelming moment that I could remember was a few days after the bazaar, I opened the page of the bazaar organizer and a girl commented below a picture of my booth asking how can she contact me and so I quickly replied and gave her my contact details. I never knew someone would want to search for me and that my cake gave anybody an impact sampai nak cari the organizer page and ask for my contact details and how she can place an order. She called me after and she told me how much she loved my Red Velvet and that she really wanted to order a cake from me for her friend's upcoming birthday celebration. She ended up going for the Chocolate Walnut Cake. 

 I remember the incident when I delivered her cake. I had trouble with the writing which frustrated me to the max. I couldn't remember how many times I scraped off the writing gel off the cake which made me a little late. Thank God I was asked to deliver it at The Curve which was so nearby my place.  I drove the car to The Curve with my Mama and Imran and I remember I was in the parking lot and I was reversing my car and I was too gelabah tak tentu pasal that I accidentally bumped a car behind me. I was shivering in fear, dah lah lambat deliver lepas tu bang someone's car, what are the odds of bad luck. Thank God it was too minor and that it dint leave a scratch to his car or my car but in the end, the cake was delivered safely to Islah, the girl's name. Islah and I became instant friends after. We talk to each other once in awhile and been wanting to arrange for a proper meet up but time has not been that fair so far. In shaa Allah, soon I hope!

Here's a picture of Islah&I at a recent bazaar I had a month ago. She came all the way just to see me and get a taste of my cakes which was so sweet.

And also, Kak Syazana. A follower on Instagram whom I instantly became friends with. She would come all the way for my bazaars more than once actually! I cherish these moments and meeting these amazing people is an absolute privilege for me. I wish I took more photos with more lovely people that I have met through out this journey of mine but bare in mind that I am very thankful for everyone's presence in my life, Alhamdulillah.

P.S: those are not her kids in the picture. Kak Syazana is still Single&Available hehehe 

Genie In A Bottle

An idea from my Mama's best friend, Aunty Rosmah who pitched me this idea of doing my cakes in bottles to make it different and also convenient for people who does not want them in a big portion of a cake and it's been incredible cause people love them! Great for gifts or small little personal events for a small group of people. I sell them with a minimum order of 3 bottles per flavor.

I cannot thank Aunty Rosmah enough for this incredible idea!  

XOXO

My Personal Fav, The Instant Hit

I remember my first taste of this absolutely delicious cheesecake. It was Imran's sister's, Nadiah's Mars Bar Cheesecake that she was selling when we were participating in one of the bazaars that we joined. I remember how everybody loved the cheesecake and I so wanted to try but I did not get the chance to until when I sent back about two leftover tupperware of her cheesecakes to her and she decided to give me one. So, I went back home and gave it a try and it was so lovely. The taste, the filing, the texture, it was really really nice and that was my very first introduction to this superb cheesecake. A few months after, I went to Mukha a nearby coffee chill out place in TTDI with a good friend of mine, Fatin and my eyes caught the Mars Bar Cheesecake in Souka Souka Bakery's chiller! So I thought I had to have a taste of that again and so I did and then I decided that I should google for the recipe and try it out and so I did but I changed the Chocolate Bar into KitKats (I have now boycotted Nestle's products so KitKat is not in the cheesecake list now. Save Palestine!) and I posted on my Instagram and Facebook and it became a hit after. The first one to order was a follower from my Instagram for her office and then I have been receiving repeated orders again and again and again and AGAIN until Now. I gotta say, even for a girl who does not like cakes but this one is my own favorite! It's not baked but chilled and the taste is amazing. My personal favorite would be Snickers Cheesecake and it seems to be everyone's favorite as well. The combination of the chocolate and the nuts in it and the cheese and the chocolate sauce and the biscuit as the base is just PERFECT! Snickers really gives that 'kick' to it. Best part is, these cakes of mine has variety in terms where my customers (I hate using the word customer) can customize  their own cakes. For instance, the cheesecake, they can change the chocolate bars into whatever they wish to for example, Twix,Toblerone,Kisses,Cadbury anything at all, U name it EXCEPT for Nestle's chocolates. They're encouraged to change it up, spice it up as I am very into things that are different and experimenting new things. Not just Cheesecake that they are able to change but also other cakes if they have an idea of what they want to add, no limits! 

For this cheesecake of mine, I thank you to Nadiah&of course Souka Souka for inspiring this cake of mine! XOXO

First Attempt on Fondant 

A few days before I received this order made by my aunt, MakChu. I've always wanted to get my hands on fondants and try it out it's just that I did not have the chance to and I heard they had techniques for fondants. Suddenly, Makchu asked if I could make 100 cupcakes for her Petronas event that was happening in the weekend so I took the chance and said YES! Only God knows I had no experience in fondants and I was taking chances with this. I really believe in taking chances, it's where U kick Urself to learn. So, I went to City Bakers in Kota Damansara. I absolutely love City Bakers. The workers and the owner are my friends now, they absolutely are so helpful with my needs and they give me good discounts as well as a regular (HEHEHE of course that's the best part!) I would really recommend bakers to try City Bakers to buy stuffs or to ask for information about cakes, they are very very helpful and informative. So I went there and asked, Kak Mira how to use fondants so I got my juice and tried it out. Makchu wanted two different colored balloons on her cupcakes. Seeing the picture U may think it's just a balloon and it's easy, UR SO WRONG! 200 balloons, was crazy! Thank God I had Momma. She helped me roll out the strings for the balloons and in the end, it turned out pretty good for a first timer. Delivered them out to KL and Alhamdulillah, received good reviews and that some was too sayang to eat them *blush*

Presenting ' Farisya's Al Kahqa'

I then started thinking of names of what to call this small humble cake thing I'm doing. It has to have a name for it. I wanted something different. I wanted it to sound different from what others are calling their business. English is too mainstream. I wanted something weird as I am weird. I remember when I went to City Bakers they would always say "U, when U come here, U always buy barang pelik-pelik" Yes, cause I am pelik! Anyway, I wanted non of that delicious, or whatever baker, bakery this and that name. I wanted an edge to it. I started translating english words to spanish,french, itallian but it dint have that ring to it that I got hooked on. So, I asked my family on our whatsapp family group. Momma was listing out a list full of names that were really cute, we had a good laugh then my sister, KakFa who was then in Cape Town, back in her husband's place who suddenly suggested "how about 'Kahqa?" It was actually 'Ka'aq' which means Cakes&Delicacies in Arabic but Kahqa is like a bahasa pasar for it (many arabic students asked me this and wanted to make sure I got it right) and I started googling and my heart just was stuck to 'Al Kahqa' so we added the Farisya in front that became 'Farisya's Al Kahqa' well 'Al Kahqa' for short hehehe My last bazaar was coming up so Imran suggested that we make name cards so I could distribute them cause the last bazaar, people were asking how do they contact me and I started writing my infos on tissues! So to be more professional, Imran started out designing my name card and this is how it turned out to be!

Voila! My first ever name card! I posted out on my social networks and they loved the design of it! I absolutely love the spike to it. Imran and I worked out on the design but it was fully Imran's and Alhamdulillah, he did a superb job to it. I was satisfied with how it looked and the name and everything to it. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, ALHAMDULILLAH! Seriously I never ever thought or did it ever occur to my mind or my conscience that I could ever own a business card at the age of 19 and start something with my bare hands. All Allah's. Indeed it was His magic and with His will. SubhanaAllah.

P.S: If U ever need a graphic designer, or a thing to design such as name cards, banners and etc etc feel free to contact Imran Yusof at : subpop100@gmail.com or PM him here Imran Yusof (All inquiries are only about business and nothing personal for I will hunt U ;p kidding )

Also, in case Ur not so comfortable with dealing with a man then U can contact my Aunt, Julaiza Ismail. She is also a graphic designer and she does amazing work!
Feel free to contact her here!
EMAIL: designbliss@artlover.com
HP : 0178777438

The Munchkins Of The Cake Family 

Imran pitched me with this idea while we were buying my medium sized jars. He saw this small jar and told me it could be a great idea if I had a smaller sized one and I immediately said "Ok, lets try it out!" We went back to my place and after dealing with orders, I tried out making my cheesecakes in these mini jars. I tried only one and posted it on Instagram. Instagram has been such a huge help for me. Facebook was pretty slow but on Instagram my followers were starting to build up, Alhamdulillah and that's where I started receiving all this orders from people whom I dont know and started making new friends! So, thank you Instagram! Anyway, I put it up on my Instagram and asked my followers if they were interested in these mini sized jars. If they were, I was gonna start taking orders and then straight away, I received orders for these! Alhamdulillah. I love how I now have a variety of sizes that people can choose from. 

Buttercream&I

Oh, my new love! My buttercream story... So, a cousin of mine which I now call her the 'Cake Decorating Guru' came over last week to teach me and my aunty Za how to decorate cakes. My cousin, Kak Iza has a bakery business that she's been doing for years and her work is amazing! Check her out and hit the Like button! JulizascakeeNcafe She also conducts cake decorating classes from fondants to buttercream, U name it. U can contact her there ;) Anyway, she started us with how to use tools and create flowers and this and that! Incredible things! Check out what my Aunty Za and I did. 

 Shoes I made from fondant. The structure of the baby shoes were actually different but it was so hard and I gave up so I made my own baby shoes! Melawan Guru, not something to follow! Lol

 Lavenders on the sides of our cakes. Really pretty 

Left side was Aunty Za's clown and the right was mine, the one with the sopan sitting clown ;p

We covered from roses to baby shoes to clowns! It was really awesome! I really needed some guidance on decorating cause I gotta admit that I have a tad or no knowledge at all at cake decorating so having this opportunity with my cousin, Kak Iza was splendid for me. It also helped me cause my sister's friend ordered two dozens of vanilla cupcakes with buttercream frosting which she wanted flowers on top that weekend which was last weekend and look what I came up with on my own after my 101 Cake Decorating class with Kak Iza. 

The theme was blue so blue roses it was for her! At first it was a challenge and as I went on, Alhamdulillah it turned great and my family was surprised with what I came up with. My eyes wanted to bulge out! It took so much concentration! But Alhamdulillah, it turned out great and the one ordered was so pleased with it and she told me that her mum and herself loved it so it was really overwhelming. 

     Truth is, I don't know how I did this or how I got this and what did I deserve to be receiving all this wonderful magic to be poured on me. I was one of them who received His blessings, Alhamdulillah. My whole life, I never loved cakes and this wasn't my thing at all and I never imagined it to be a thing of mine or having a business at this age was never in my thoughts but Hey Allah can give U anything and change U. I never had the passion for it but truth is, I already miss baking. I'm currently having a break on baking since I got fully sponsored to attend Al Maghrib's seminar on Fiqh of Da'wah, Alhamdulillah (Promise to write soon on this. A whole different story and cant wait to share!) which was last weekend and will continue another two more days next weekend and my sem break is ending and my third sem is commencing this week, so I have to get myself settled with classes and all and shall continue my baking and taking orders next week, In shaa Allah. It's been so great, a whole new wonderful journey for me. I somehow understand why this baking skill was for me, I am a girl with a tad of patience, very minimal. And baking, takes A LOT of patience! In a way, maybe Allah is making me practice my patience and bulk it up by this ability! Who knows? Wallhualam. I cannot stress more on how deeply grateful I am to Allah SWT and how amazing He has been pouring me with His blessings, Alhamdulillah. I secondly want to thank my family, Imran, my friends for helping me and supporting me through out. Alhamdulillah. 

Al Kahqa has been doing really great, Alhamdulillah. My baking business is not entirely about money. It's the outcome of it which I deeply appreciate. The fact that from selling cakes is where bonds were created. The social network has been helping me a lot. New friends that were initially strangers to me became FRIENDS of mine! Silaturrahim was created and I'm just so thankful and I can't wait to continue and get to know more people. Alhamdulillah, I will be forever grateful. May Allah persist this for me and fill it with more good things. Do make doa for me as I will for U, In shaa Allah. Last but not least, Thank U for everyone's support especially to my instagram followers! May Allah shed blessings on all of U. Amin.

Maka dengan ini, habislah cerita panjang lebar about my miraculous irony story! Do check out my Instagram for photo samples of cakes/ my personal Facebook and also, click here Sisters In Hijab for pictures of my cakes but mostly my sister, Kak Jihan's collection of hijabs! ;) 

Jazakallah Khayr 

Wassalam 

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